breaking up those kidney stones

Okay this is what it sorta felt like going into this! OMFG!  Now they have made the stones smaller now i get to pass them all! OMG! Thank good for pain killers!

I will have to update everyone on the “ball” talk and how that was handled!!

today’s the day

Today is the days they blast out my kidney stone! Phew!  Lets get rid of it once and for all! and if there is pain, i want good drugs!!!   Oh yeah, i am hungry!! This is crap, i cannot eat before being knocked out!!

My mom is taking me, which is fine, but its my mom…i suppose if my mom was at the birth of the twins, you can be there when they destroy the kidney stones!! hehehe

Have a pain free day! !

The boys!

pictures from the parade…more later cleaning the house and digging out from the bottle sorry bottom of the laundry! OMG send help if you do not hear from me in a couple of days!! Enjoy!

Jordan

Nathaniel

Rayomnd

“What are these two balls for?”

What a dreadful question!

It was shower night last night. Kids running around getting ready for the shower.  One of them playing “air guitar” with…you know…. little boys playing with all their parts……anyway

While playing the “guitar” one says, “what are these two balls for?” OMG…heart stops, hold breath outloud say WHAT?

and he proceeds to show me what parts he was talking about!…as if i did not know what he was talking about! perhaps it was my shocked look that made him do it!

“uhhh…well…do you really need to know?”, I ask.

“YEAH”…all three say…as if i am holding out some secret on them!

One says, “well it hurts when you squeeze them together”

OMFG…i am a single mom. what do i know about “balls”?

I guess it is time to go get a book on this topic.  I so do not know what to say. I do not want to squirm away from the topic as i do not want them to feel uncomfortable asking questions about their body but at the same time I have NO IDEA what to say!!!

At least when the boys were talking about their belly buttons, they asked “if a baby has a cord attached to it belly button where does the cord go?”  At least i could answer that with some authority.  But “boy” parts, i  do not feel like i am the expert in this!

This proves my point it takes two people to make a baby it takes two people to raise it!

Sticks and stones break your bones

But (stones) kill your kidneys and your back!!

Yup I have got kidney stones! uggh!!  I think i am falling apart today, not to get into much detail, kidney infection, kidney stone the size of a pea, i have my period, i have a cold (just got today), and well a few other things (sparing you some details)….OMFG Next week they will use “wave” to crush them out.  Its gonna hurt!!

Anyway, enough about that, the sailing team won their last match yesterday!! We ended our season 3-4.  Last year they only won 1 match!!! We beat last years record!!! YEAHHH  Oh right that was me out in the skiff in the rain, watching them race! WE WON!! i am so proud of those kids!  They are so awesome, I am not sure they know how much of an effect they have had on my life!  Everyone of them has thanked both Becca and I for coaching them this season.  It feels good! I finally have gotten used to being called “coach”

We will have their banquet on June 9th.  We plan on giving out tshirts to all the kids, that has the schools name on it and a picture of a 420 on the back with “sail hard. sail fast.”  we wanted to put “kick ass and take names” but maybe next time!!  I am really looking forward to this banquet! Even my dad is coming to see the cast of characters as i talk about them all the time to him!  I will miss them!  We hope to keep in touch and perhaps sail this summer!

Perhaps i will post some more pictures! Maybe of the banquet who knows….

Quantum Leaping

Okay here goes!  have you ever felt as though you are living someone else life?  Did you ever watch that show Quantum Leap?  Great show where some guys leaps into different peoples lives he does not know and has to save them some how.  I loved the show.

Well the reason i say this is because sometimes I go places and people know me by NAME!  They ask personal questions and I have to stand there and wonder….how do i know you? how do you know so much about me and how come i cannot remember you??  I usually fake it, carry on the conversation as if i remember.  I feel bad sometimes.  Then if i am with people, what do i do about introducing people?? OMG!

I feel as though i am living someone elses life when some of them come up to me like that.  I meet a lot of people all the time with my job and plus i grew up in this area.  I meet about 300 sets of parents just with summer camp and then I see an average of 1200 students spring and fall.  Now that i am coaching i have meet even more people!  So it just becomes overwhelming at times!!

What do you guys think? Does anyone else have this problem?? is this a sign of old age? OMG I am not that old!

Full plate

So we had the sailing team here at the house yesterday to do a little team building.  I have to say it was a lot of work just for kids! But I suppose it was worth it, I actually got a few thank you emails!! aww!!

But i did have a mom come pick you up one of the students and she could not thank me enough for giving my time to these kids…I do not see the parents much as most kids drive themselves or they get picked up and no one talks.  No big deal, kinda feel like I would like to know my kids coach.  You know I am taking them out on the water.  These parents know so little of me. I never was involved in highschool team sports so this is all to new to me.

Well, JK, the student, is a walking wealth of knowledge! I swear he reads the encylapedia!  He always has some random fact and story to go with it!  I said to his mom he was such a pleasure as he knew SO much!  The mom said this has been great from him as he would be stuck reading a book.  She said he used to READ the encylipedia for fun! OMG! who does that?

My three boys were running around and she asked if they were all mine.  I really wanted to saying some smart like, no no i changed my name to Mommy…but she was nice.  I told her that yes Jordan was 10 and the twins would be 8 soon.  She was shocked! She could not believe i was a single mom either!  I then went on to tell her how i had been a foster parent.  She went on to ask me what i did for a job.  I told her i was the supervisor for the community sailing and school overnight programs.  Intrigued she wanted to know more.  She said she had enough trouble keeping up with her TWO children and she did not work.  I got tired just trying to explain what i did!

She said I made it look easy.  If only she knew!  Perhaps i have to much on my plate.  But what do you give up?  nothing.  just hang on for the ride. right?

Happy Mother’s Day Mom

Dear Mom,

Thanks!  You know I still look to you for all the answers! You still know how to piss me off but usually you are right. I always wanted to be a mom because of you.  I swore, I would not be just like my mother, but alas I have more of your good qualities!  Thanks.

I am not sure how you made it through when i was a baby, you worked full time, you were a young mother and as i have been told i SCREAMED a lot!  Luckily you had Dad.

Then going through the school years, with me having trouble in school reading.

I really am not sure how you made it through my teenage years as well!  I will never forget your rage when you foudn the reciept from Planned parenthood and I was only 16years old!  I am sorry.

Then how you ever made it through my 20s.  Telling me right from wrong and every night you would have to hope i was making the right choice. I am not sure how i made it home most nights, as you have told me it was a guardian angel that brought us home instead of wrapping my car around a tree.   I did not always make the right choices but i have learned.

Then through marriage.  Yeah, I am not touching that one.

Then, going through my pregnancy with the twins.  I loved that you were there when they were born.  I love to tell the boys how you were there when they came into this world.

Then through my divorce, sometimes it is as if he had done this to you.

Now helping with the boys! They love their Nana, and i hope i can learn from you.  I know I do not say it enough.  I love you too!

I just hope i can be a good mom!

Thanks for being my mom,

Love Hallie

Did you know today celebrate the 100th anniversary of mother’s day?  It does!!  You can read all about it!

living vs. survival

So I call a good freind. laura is the type of friend you want standing by your side when teh shit hits the fan.  we now live about 70 miles away from each other.  We do not talk as much as we shoudl but when we do it feels as if no time has passed.

Laura is a kind soul.  she would drop everything within her already chaotic life to do something for me.  I poured a cup of tea and it reminded me of her. So i called her. SHe has seem me go through the worst time in my life.  She understands…to a point.  It was like she knew why i was calling.

we have idle chit chat…then here it comes….”hallie what is wrong with you?”  i bust out in tears.  I tell her life it so tough (my own personal pity party).  how i want to call chester and make him understand what he has done to me and this family.  i go on to tell her about the struggles of everyday life and how they are all getting to me.  I tell her i have a problem…..like a true addict i cannot wait for my children to go to bed so that i can quietly tuck my self into my own quiet world… hoping someone has seen the signs of struggle and comes to help.  and each day/night no one is there.

This behavior is not helping me nor is it helping my children.  But as my friend laura said, “you make it look to easy”  well perhaps on the outside it looks easy do not be fooled if you look more closely i feel as though i have been pushed off the cliff. i am hanging on with dear life clawing my way back up, all the while other people are throwing stones at me.  it hurts.

I do not know what i need. i think some unconditional love. from anyone.  someone to tell me hey you are doing a good job and make me believe it because i feel more like a failure, because i do not feel like i am doing much of anything except survive.  I do not want to live in a state of survival. there is more to life!

Not your normal day

cell phone vibrates @ 657am “Trash Day”

I roll over and think, “Bitch, she got me first today”  It was time to get up anyway.

Every Wednesday Becca and I have a “thing” we both have trash day on the same.  So we try to text message each other before the other to remind.  Depends. Sometimes I win sometimes she wins.  She got me today.

I do the same thing every morning it seems.  I get up.  Wake the kiddos. throw clothes at all of them.  When i am satisfied they are awake enough, i tell them all they need to be up and dressed before i get out of the shower.  Raymond is usually in bed by this point asking what the weather is and if he missed the TODAY Show morning news.  I know kinda geeky but we both like to watch what the weather is to plan for the day.    Out of the shower and most times the twins are in my bed and Jordan is still in his bed under the covers, but completely dressed.  Today was no different.

Today I knew my dad was not coming so i could not drag my feet.  Had to keep going.  Make sure everyone was moving.  Bags were packed the night before with all the library books and homework.  Sometimes it is like herding kittens to come to breakfast.

When summer comes and camp is in full swing it is not uncommon to get phone calls at the house between 7am until I leave. Who from you might ask?  Well lets see, work, or Becca.  Becca works with another sailing program and honestly before work is the best time to catch us because when the day is over we are dog ass tired.

But in the school months when my dad is coming in the morning my mom will call to warn me that my dad is A) sick.  B) Grumpy C) running late or D) not coming.

The phone rang at 801a.  Wondered if i would even answer it.  School day. Dad was not coming, Doctors appt. who could it be….Becca.  I paused a moment and thought to myself…kids dressed…kids breakfast is in toaster…okay talk with Becca, probably was calling to tell me she won the “trash text game”.

“hello”

“hallie….pause…Did you see the news this morning”

“yeah”

pause….”hallie, Page was killed in that motorcycle accident last night”  “she is dead”

“WHAT?”

Page was not only a co worker of Becca’s but she was a friend.  I knew her through Becca but not as well as she did.  She was only 26.  She called for a ride home.  Took a ride with someone else and was killed instantly on a motorcycle ride home.  That sucks.

It was not your normal day.