you can’t make this up!

Okay so being a camp director you see tons of stuff! Things you just cannot make up. Camp life is fun and challenging as we are working with such a small number of us and we all need to get a long but sometimes people do funny things … here are just a couple..

• so lets say there is a camper, and she is about 11 years old. She comes to camp. after all the campers, 39 of them go through the buffet line of kid friendly food, she does not appear to be eating. So we ask her is everything okay? she tells the staff, her mother makes a plate for and tells her to eat. puzzled the staff member tells her she NEEDS to eat. She promises to eat. Then next meal rolls around, not eating again. My mother makes a plate for me. So staff member goes up to the buffet line, fills the plate, plops it down in front of her and says “Eat”. Guess what! She ate! Are YOU KIDDING ME!!???
• a camper comes to camp. they seem to be young sometimes at camp. we get them up early and they play hard all day long. a couple of days of this can be tiring. well for the afternoon sail on the second day, two boys are sailing together. Only one child can be seen, the other curled up on the bottom of the boat and fell asleep! SOUND ASLEEP!! poor kid!
• I could have a whole conversation with a staff member with out saying a word using hand signals! pretty impressive and an outsider would not know what i said!!
• i could yell at someone, with out complete sentences, and they completely understood what i was saying as we all have worked so closely together.
• how about a camper coming into the office asking if we had a pencil sharpener and i said yes. I pulled out my knife and he was shocked I had a knife and could sharpen his pencils!!
• Lastly my favorite for the day, i walk into the office, i find it smells like Frabreeze, this is a sign some had FARTED! so without thinking, I say loudly “OMG WHO FARTED” without knowing someone was on the phone with a parent. How quickly my staff member got off the phone. Apparently the parent heard me say it, she giggled, he giggled and we all had a good laugh!

well it has been a tough week for everyone. It is crash week. everyone is tired. i am tired.   the kids are young. even though it seems the world revolves around camp, life is still happening outside of our little  camp world.  I know everyone has a personal life outside camp life that seems to struggle these days. so finding a balance when everyone is so tired is tough.

So i am looking forward to getting a new camera this weekend, it is waterproof and shockproof! I AM SO EXCITED! it is also freezeproof, but i do not plan on being that cold!! i cannot wait to try it out!!

four more weeks to go, whos counting?? I AM

Half way through the season, four more weeks to go (but who is counting), we have seen roughly 130 campers, been through bottles of sunscreen, burts beeswax lifeguard chapstick, gallons of water, case of sponges for sponge tag of course, gallons of gas, ice packs and band aids. Even a trip to the ER with a camper that lost her toenail, oooo it was soo gross! Multiply phone calls from parents, and this does not include Community sailing! phew, 90 students in the past two weeks! Oh the paper work!! And the camp inspector came this week!! Passed! but i think i mentioned that already a couple of days ago. I have kids to that have a crazy schedule as well!! i have to find my boys scattered around with different babysitters, they sleep in different places so that they can get to whatever morning activity they have!! Oh and did i tell you i am going to take the dog to doggy manners school?? YUP!! call me crazy!

the boys schedule:

Monday is the free day

Tuesday, one has reading camp another has golf lessons.

Wednesday, two have sailing lessons in the morning

thurdasy, one has reading camp and another has golf lessons

friday is a free day!

I think being in the sun so long, juggling multiple programs, talking to so many people, juggling a house, kids and anything else that is thrown at me….my memory is gone. it is almost concerning how much i just cannot retain, i cannot remember CRAP! it is more of a “put our the fire” mode. so i have been thinking, it is time to take a trip!!! After the next four weeks are over, i am packing up and leaving. where i am not sure, leaving all the options open right now. most likely head up to NH to the condo. hang up the life jacket and put on some walking shoes. or even get the plastic card and start spending money!! I am actually looking forward to getting away after the summer is over and thinking and doing NOTHING!!

phew feel better!! not really, but tomorrow the boys and i are going to lay low. stay out of the sun, perhaps catch a movie or something. we are all so tan, i even had a mom at camp ask me today if i had spay on tan beacuse i was that tan!!!? and that my tan lines on my feet were impressive!! (if i had a camera i would take a picture, i will soon enough)

so there you have it! thats all i got! Enjoy your weekend!

Break my heart

so i thought i would share with you something that happened this weekend. I kinda think that i am still struggling with it so i think it is just time to talk about it….

This weekend the boys and I went out to our favorite resturaunt for our sunday breakfast. We go to the same place for months now. The boys even say, i will have the usually! It is hysterical! and the one waiterss loves us!! She is just as happy as can be, even if she has a dozen people she is waiting on. She takes the time to talk with the boys. I like it.

So the “usual” consisits of chocolate pancakes for Jordan and Nathaniel and waffles with bacon on the side for Raymond. Now the drinks seem to be hot chocolate, with whipped cream of course!, even on hot sunday mornings. My feeling is what every you want, i just like being out with my boys, and maybe someday they will look back fondly on this.

Well the place we go to is like a diner. None of the mugs match, which is cool, you never know, it could have a positive uplifting saying, or rainbows or or carebears or i don’t do mondays…you get the picture.

so skip over to this sunday breakfast. The order is placed, three hot chocolates on the way. The waitress plops down the mugs…. with one look at the mugs Nathaniels eyes begin to water. I ask him if he is alright….he very quietly says, can i switch mugs with Jordan? Puzzled, i ask what is the matter with your mug?

Shoulders drop, every ounce of his spirit is crushed, He slides out of his chair, crawls into my lap and buries his head into my shoulder.

I turned the mug around and it said, “I love my daddy”

RIP MY HEART OUT AND STOMP ON IT!!

He sobs in my arms telling me his daddy does not come anymore. OMG what do i say? totally broke my heart. in a very crowded and busy restaurant the only person i could see or feel was nathaniel in my arms….I very calmly whispered in his ear and said to him, you know Mommy loves you very much and never ever will leave you. i cannot imagine life without you and will do anything for you and i know daddy cannot come now, i am sure daddy loves you, and you can love daddy (NOTE: that hurt saying that, but i knew he needed to hear it) mommy loves you forever…

Slowly he pulled himself together, wiped his eyes. Jordan very nicely had switched cups with him and said he did not mind having the mug. Order was restored at the table. Nathaniel pulled himself back together.

My heart just hurt. i just cannot imagine what this is doing to my children. i never once doubt what i have done and pushed ahead to no visitation or contact. sometimes i wish there was a guide book or a rule book on how to deal with this. i feel alone in this eventhough i have talked to some single moms, not a lot. i meet one the other day, so bitter, so hurt, and so free and talking badly in front of her kid about his dad. it hurt me, i wantto protect my boys from this. I know i cannot forever protect my kids but come on people…it is not about you, it is about the kids!! Let them figure out what an ass the guy is or maybe he wont be an ass to the kids. It is not my job to tell them how to feel it is my job to let them make their own decisions. we all make mistakes. some bigger than others.

i know i have not lied to my boys about this. i know that i have not given all the details. someday i will. someday they will understand. someday i am going to need some therapy. i just do not want to end up on the jerry springer show, that is all!!

One year later…

…and a couple of days! So Saturday was one year of me blogging! Wow! who knew I had such commitment? Lets be honest, when it was time to sign my marriage certificate I asked if i could do it in pencil as it was “less committal”

So life has been busy, I must say that I never knew what i was getting myself into when …. insert anything…

…parenthood

…my job

…friends

…blogging

parenthood…good god, I beat myself up all the time thinking i have selfish children, but you know what, jordan went to camp with me this week and he was a great kid! he proved to be a good sailor, he proved to be helpful, ie after i picked up his capsize, i plopped him back in a boat and he sailed away so i could go and pick up another boat, he went to go pick up the rudder that was floating away while we struggled with wind gusts and capsized boats! he was social, quiet and he was always happy to help!! it was ashame the staff “picked” on him a bit and I think they saw him as “my son” rather than a camper. none the less, i was proud of him.

my job…holy crow, i feel like i do the job of about five people, oh wait, I DO!! and unfortuantly it feels like most people just want want want from me….except my saving grace, AMY!!!! some of my struggle is my own fault as I HATE to ask for help. oh wait, i will not ask for help, i will just do it myself. if i had the time to think and dream, it would be about a job as a postman, why you might ask? well you start your day with a truck full of mail, and at the end of the day it is empty!! Ohhhh how satisfing that must be. I am sure it is harder, or perhaps working at a factory assembling parts. do the job go home, leave the job at work.

friends…you know sometimes i truely believe i can do this alone. i am in a werid state these days, i am overwhelmed with work, friends seem to not know what to say or how to help when some of them have good intentions. but lets be honest folks, friendships take work and right now i am tired and having my filters on so i do not offend some friends is tiring. i feel bad it is not working out, but lets call a spade a spade, we are not as good friends as we used to be, that is fine, but it is time to move on, it is best.

blogging…can you believe i have made it this far? one year and 163 posts later!! shocking!! and people actually come and read what i have to say. i really think most times this is about me, and a way to let out the funny, serious, boring kid stories.

So thank you for reading, commenting or just lurking.

Remember “dont take life to seriously, no gets out alive!”

Meme

So i decieded instead of complaining about how busy my schedule is or whinning about how tough i have it, i thought a meme would be better. So in searching the “tag surfer” i found only one! and it is long. I hope you can suffer through it!!

1.What bill do you hate paying the most?
Oil. It hurts to open it!

2. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?
Romantic dinner, refresh my memory, what is that?

3. Last time you puked from drinking?
Oh god, probably the first year i kicked my exhusdand out, it was at a christmas party, my friend and I drank Mai Tai’s all night, so wasted, it was awful, that was about 6 years ago

4. When is the last time you got drunk and danced on a bar?
To many years to count

5. Name of your first grade teacher?
Mr. Gincerelli

6. What do you really want to be doing right now?
Not this, perhaps a massage and a cold drink with an umbrella in it

7. What did you want to be when you were growing up?
A mom

8. How many colleges did you attend?
three.

9. Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now?
It was clean on top of the pile

10. GAS PRICES?
out of control

11. If you could move anywhere and take someone with you?
Probably an island, with nice natives. I am not sure i would take anyone besides my kids. maybe my friend laura

12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
I woke before the alarm today wondering why it had not gone off yet.

13. Last thought before going to sleep last night?
not much, i took ambien

14. Favorite style of underwear?
Boyshorts.

15. Favorite style of underwear for the opposite sex?
boxer briefs or boxers

16. What errand/chore do you despise?
Cleaning and laundry

17. If you didn’t have to work, would you volunteer?
YES, we need more volunteers in this world. I would volunteer for a sailing program

18. Get up early or sleep in?
I would love to be able to sleep in…

19. What is your favorite cartoon character?
i like avatar right now…that could change

20. Favorite NON sexual thing to do at night with a girl/guy?
Have a good conversation.

21. Have you found real love yet?
I have found true love in having my boys. Others have just let me down.

22. When did you first start feeling old?
When the sailing instructors where my students!!

23. Favorite 80’s movie?
Hands down!! The Princess Bride

24. Your favorite lunch meat?
Turkey

25. What do you get every time you go into Sam’s Club?
Ice tea mix

26. Beach or lake?
Beach

27. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
No. people so not respect as much as they used to. I enjoy the idea but do not believe i will ever find it.

28. How many people do you stalk on livejournal/wordpress/blogspot?
enough.

29. Favorite guilty pleasure?
laying in bed all day not doing a damn thing but watch tv

30. Favorite movie you wouldn’t want anyone to find out about?
i dont care if you like the movie or not or if i like and you do not approve

31. What’s your drink?
whiskey sour

32. Cowboys or Indians?
Indians.

33. Cops or Robbers?
Robbers.

34. Who from high school would you like to run into?
No one really. I did not like high school i would like to run into my college professor who told me I would not amount to much in the education field and that i should pick another profession!! I now am the supervisor of community sailing and overnight programs. I run education programs! boy was she wrong!!

35. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now?
103.1 fm so i can listen to my iPod

36. Norm or Cliff?

Norm. I like everyone knowing your name

37. The Cosby Show or the Simpsons?
Simpsons

38. Worst relationship mistake that you wish you could take back?
Allowing someone to get close enough to hurt me.

39. Do you like the person who sits directly across from you at work?
i sit in front of a window or i am on the water.

40. If you could get away with it, who would you kill?
no one. i think people should live with guilt of what they have done. so chester should feel the pain he should not be killed. being killed is nice.

41. What famous person(s) would you like to party with?

noone. a famous person is just like me, we have insecurities and such just like everyone else, just because you are famous does not mean i would like to be with you

42. What famous person would you like to sleep with?

maybe johnny depp

43. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose?
Nope.

44. Last book you read for real?
Harry potter

45. Do you have a teddy bear?
Yes my boys have it.

46. Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth?
In the middle of the woods.

47. Somewhere in California you’ve never been and would like to go?
lake tahoe.

48. Do you go to church?
Nope.

49. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship?
Today a career.

50. Just how OLD are you?
35

“time off” is a made up phrase

I know summer brings a crazy schedule! But I just do not remember it being THIS CRAZY! it is only been two full weeks of camp and i am burnt out!

I am not sure how to keep the pace as you can see the candle is almost burnt out. I think my schedule has proven to be a bit much. Most days I leave my house at 730am and do not return home until about 7pm or later. Upon getting home i also need to pack lunches, do laundry, get clean bathing suits out for the next day and so on. My kids are so tired they do not know what to do with themselves. I only have ONE day off, that is Saturday. That is the day to prepare for the rest of the week!

Time off? Vacation? what is that? there is no such thing! and if you find it let me know!

I was looking forward to summer but little did i remember the chaos it brings. To top it all off, the feeling like no one really understands kills me. I do not feel connected to anyone. I think we all look to feel connected or understood.

you know when other people complain how tired they are or how stressed out they are, honestly do you know who you are talking to??? I really just need to take a deep breathe and let it go. or they should take a walk in my sandals for a couple of days and let me know how you do!

perhaps it is my attitude? perhaps it is my way of just saying, “I will do it” because i think i want it done my way and it will be easier for me to do it than to correct what you did do. so then my cup is overflowing!

I think when i do this, I tend to push people away. Therefore making it more difficult on myself. I honestly will not ask for help. i unfortunately see it as a sign of weakness. I do not want to be seen as weak so i will not ask for anything. although i do know that we can not do this alone and i know that it is not a sign of weakness. But i will continue to give and take very little.

I miss my friend Laura. She has always been such a great friend. She understood so much. She has twins, she has older children. She has a household to work through. She always got it, when life seemed to be crumbling around me, she always knew what to say, or she had been there or just picked up the pieces while i laid on the floor crying. she was always that friend i could ask for help from.

i need a friend more like that these days.

When i moved closer to my family, we have not seen each other in a couple of years. We still talk on the phone, but not nearly enough. I called her the other day. When ever we speak it is as if we speak every day. She just “knows” when i call how i am doing. She still “knows” what to say to me.

So i have procrastinated enough today. Enough of my self pity. I have so much to do. jordan is coming to overnight camp this week, so he needs to be packed, i need to buy supplies for him, nathaniel is starting reading camp twice a week he has to be packed and schedule needs to be made for him, groceries, laundry, beds need to be changed, visit with my visiting aunt and uncle, jordan has a playdate this afternoon, drop off overdue library books, and what ever else pops up. or maybe i will go on strike and do nothing. (not like that will help me this week)

Thanks for listening.

“bring some electronics”

So summer brings cookouts or family gatherings. Well as i said my mom’s sister is here from Ohio with her family and my dad’s sister is here from Maine. So my grandmother thought it would be nice to have a “potluck” dinner with everyone. Not like i have nothing else to do, but okay i will make a chicken salad! UMMMM it is the best chicken salad!

Anyway, Nannie, my dad’s mom, said 6pm we will all come together and have dinner. That left me enough time to swing by my house, pick up the chicken salad and run a brush through my windblown hair. It would have to do!

So my busy day started with me dropping Jordan off at camp at 740am. I was early. I had changed the wash so we had enough bathing suits for the next day. Got to work. CRAZY DAY!! Then I get a call from my grandmother. She leaves a message saying perhaps i should bring some sort of electronics to dinner so the boys have something to do.

SHOCKED AND HORRIFIED! i could not believe my ears! Why would i bring such things to “babysit” my kids!?? They are apart of the family, not to be ignored and shoved in a corner with a gameboy!! They can have a conversation, they can help set tables and talk with us about their days!! Family should be about coming together and talking. They can have intelligent conversations!! they should be shown what to do when they go out to dinner!! My boys are well mannered and are expected to participate in daily conversation!

Maybe i am wrong in thinking that my kids should be expected to act properly when out? I take them where ever i go, sometime not by choice. I do not take them to places that are not appropriate for them. The three of them go grocery shopping with me and have done so for many many years. I do not have problems with kids throwing things in the cart they should not.

I love having meals with my boys. It is a time for us to see what our days were like. It is a time to connect. It is ashame, how my own grandmother thinks kids should be “entertained” when they are a wealth of information. I want to believe it is the media feeding her this information. I very nicely explained to her that the boys were not aloud to use their game boys on weekdays and that they were capable of behaving themselves while there.

I was a bit disheartened to find out that my grandmother bought McDonald’s chicken nugggets for the boys and my 5yr old cousin. My kids need to learn they need to eat what is presented or be hungry. They actually liked most of the stuff at the table. They saw the chicken nuggets and thought “Treat”, as i hate going there!! Oh well i guess you cannot win them all.

so the evening went well. Did not get home until almost 9pm! I was beat! My well mannered boys were able to conduct themselves in a proper way. They sat down and talked with their aunts and uncles. They passed out dessert and cleared the tables! I was very proud of them. My boys are awesome. My uncle was very surprised by how mannered they were. My heart skipped a beat knowing i must be doing something right!