Wandering around…

Hello hello

well i have to admit  I am just not sure what to write about.  You could call it a writers block.  So maybe i will write what’s on my mind and then YOU can ask if you want more information about it…sound good…lets go

• I am going to sail on a 12 meter this weekend in a regatta!  Kinda excited about this, nervous at the same time.
• the twins had their 8year physicals, and they are healthy and witty!  Made the doctor laugh through most of it, they are quite entertaining!!
• i am suppose to sail tomorrow night and i really do not want to…and it is because i do not want to find a babysitter for the boys, it is a lot of work to do. mothers guilt, i worked all day, this is my time to be with my boys, but i would rather sail. sounds like a bad mother…..
• I am feeling the pinch, things are so expensive
• I think my insomina effects my child.  i think he wakes when i am walking around at midnight unable to sleep.  even though i have taken ambien.
• I am finding i can freak myself out when home alone with the boys sometimes. my thoughts can run wild
• i am finding i might need a break, a break where i can have fun, be free and not alone.
• I really am enjoying going to the gym every tues and thurs with chelle! it is a great escape for an hour or so
• i am feeling a bit lost lately
• i can present a workshop at a national wide sailing conference, which is AWESOME yet it makes me incrediably nervous.  i know i can do it, but will people really want to come and hear me talk about my topic?
• my car needs an oil change
• it bothers me that jordans family will probably never reach out to find him. they probably are so wrapped up in their lives they will never think about him.  He is one of 16 children, maybe a sibling will want to get in touch.
• i really enjoy listening to music.  sometimes it is not loud enough to drowned out my thoughts.
• did i say that i am feeling lost?
• it bothers me that in nebraska you can drop off your kids, 0 to 19 at any hospital and not be repremanded for what you have done.  The parent who dropped off something like 9 kids, just because he could not take it anymore? what is this world coming to? breaks my heart!
• i really am not enjoying the awkward time waiting for the bus with the twins.  I am really in no mood to talk to my neighbors.  really my life is not as perfect as your life seems.  and yes by the way, i brush my hair in the car some days because i am trying to get three kids out the door on time!!
• my ears are still ringing.  they still hurt.  so does my head.
• Tomorrow is wednesday. hump day. trash day.

okay i am done. Well i am going to clean the kitchen, switch the laundry.

till tomorrow. when i can think of something fun to write about!!

Weekend Meme

I found this meme from CuriousC and well lets face it i got nothing!  so this looked like fun!!  Enjoy! 

Were you named after anyone?
I was. I was named after my great grandmother.  She was from the south, from what i understand she was a tough woman.  My father a “yankee” had never heard of this name before and when they were going to name me they gave me a “normal” middle name in case i did not like my name and could switch.  I LOVE my name. it fits me.  If you look my name up for the meaning, it says, “pertaining to the sea”.  

Single or Married?
Single.

Do you like your own handwriting?

not always, but sometimes.  When i take my time i like it, but when i am in a rush it is chicken scratch.

What is your favorite lunch meat?
all natural turkey.

Do you have children?
YES!  I have three boys, Jordan, Nathaniel and Raymond. I have also had twenty foster children come through my home.  I have only given birth once…

If you were another person, would you be friends with you?
Yes, I would.  I think i might be hard to get to know but once i did it would be worth it.

Do you use sarcasm alot?
Who me?  Yeah right, mhuwhahaha of course I am…I am a single mom of three boys!.

Do you still have your tonsils?
NOPE, i was a sick little kid.

Would you bungee jump?
Bungee jump probably not, jump out of an airplane, probably!!

What is your favorite cereal?
Life cereal…YUMM. 

Do you untie your shoes before you take them off?
Not usually as I do not wear tie shoes, I usually wear sandals.  When I wear boats, of course.

Do you think you are strong?
I do. Stronger than I think somedays.  I am working on being physically stronger with Chelle!!

What is your favorite flavor of ice-cream?
Ben & Jerry’s Coffee Heath bar, YUMMMM.

What is the first thing you notice about people?
how relaxed or uptight they might be, I usually am making a joke.

Red or pink?
RED!  

Fruit or Veggie?
Both.

Who do you miss the most?
perhaps my friend laura?  she has always been a great friend, we just live so far apart.  But if i had to wish for someone that was not alive, it would be my grandfather, i wish i knew more about him and i wish he could have meet my boys, he would have LOVED THEM TO PIECES.

What color shoes are you wearing?
I am at home, i do not wear shoes.

What is the last thing you ate?
homemade banana bread.

What are you listening to now?
My kids watching TV, Disney channel, and the fan humming next to me.

If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
Sage green.

Favorite Smells?
My newborn babies, fresh cut flowers, laura ashley perfume #1 (discontinued sadly).

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
My mom.

Favorite Sports?
there is only one sport in my world, sailing.

Hair color?
ligth brown.

Eye color?
brown.

Do you wear contacts?
Yes I am as blind as a BAT! Even my doctor looked in my eyes and said, “WOW you must be blind without those glasses!!” 

What is your favorite food?
I love seafood Lobster being great!  But food someone else makes is always good to me!!!!

Scary movie or happy ending?
No scary movies, i scare myself enough without them!  Happy ending!! it gives me hope!)  

What was the last movie you watched?
Spiderwick Chronicles.

What color shirt are you wearing?
Red tshirt.

Summer or winter?
Fall.

Hugs or kisses?
Hugs and kisses

Favorite Dessert?
cheesecake maybe, or ice cream.

What are you currently reading?
Harry potter book 6.

What is on your mousepad?
dont have one.

What did you watch on TV last night?
 
house.

Favorite sound?
my kids laughter.

Rolling Stones or Beatles?
Beatles.

Where is the farthest you’ve been from home?
Germany.

Do you have a special talent?
I can tie a cherry stem in my mouth without my hands.

Where were you born?
newton.

Which is your favorite chipmunk?
rats with tails? no thanks.

Do you like to cook or bake?
cook..

The sky is falling!

Oh my goodness, yesterday is going to be one of those days my children will look back and say “I was there when that happened”

So working away at work i get a call from my father, “Did you know there was a chemical spill at Yardney (battery factory) and they are evacuating the schools?” Do you know where your children are?”

Of course this is the first i heard of this as for most of the day i have had headphones in my ears trying to make the awful ringing in my ears and it is not like i am watching tv….So NO, I had no idea….

I hung up with my dad, tried to call the schools.  All the while searching the internet for information on when this happened and what was going on…Sure enough there was a spill and a fire at the plant.  That is all it said.  No answer from the schools, so i called the superintendant’s office and they did confirm all the kids were evacuated to the high school.  Soon after i had gotten into the car, my cell phone rings, it is a prerecorded message saying all the children were at the highschool and we could pick them up there or if we were in the effected area it was a shelter and we all could stay there.

This was all very unreal.  Really?  Was it that bad? honestly!  Off to the high school, and that was utter chaos.  Kids were sitting in the bleechers of the gym. Two schools, 3rd grade through the 8th grade.  Parents everywhere, so little order.  It was difficult to see as soemone really needed to be in charge and really NO ONE WAS!!

The twins spot me, i very easily sign them out.  The next task was to find Jordan.  Kinda like wheres waldo in an ocean of children.  BING, found his teacher, can’t miss her, she looks like a teenager so is so young.  I walked up and was ready to take jordan.  NOPE. I had to stand in the chaos of the 5th to 8th grade parents and sign him out.  Have my ID checked.  There were TWO, YES TWO Sign out sheets! and two people checking IDs!

Well the twins and I patiently waited in line and everyone seemed to be in such a panic! Parents complaining about what chaos there was. How they had to have their ID to sign their kids out.  THey did not have them and so on.  It was frustrating. I was glad they were checking my ID.  It is for the protection of the children that we had them.

Finally I get the kids.  Off we go.  all along there was a gentleman annoucing that anyone living on these streets…..cannot go home.  Nathaniel looked up and said, “Im scared mommy”  Almost broke my heart!  I bent down and explained to him what was going on and how we were safe.  How we would go and have dinner at Nana’s house and everything would be alright.  I am sure they were being over cautious to make sure everyone was safe.

Getting to my moms house.  Raymond ran to my mom, telling her we were there “because we did not want to live in the shelter”  LOL  he is great!!

All was well, it seems to have been a small fire.  Tons of hazmat and fire departments were there.  Kids were safe.  The whole time it felt as if there was a little chicken running around screaming “the sky is falling”  because it put such panic in people.

Just another day in the life.  right?  Now off to a dreadful meeting and off to go sailing.  The boys are going to go out on the Race Committe boat and I will sail the WH15 with a couple of the team members!  I know once i get there it will all be alright.  But getting there is going to prove to be a challenge.

Saturday walking

With feeling a bit better and a need to get out we all packed up and went to the beach.  I know I know, it was about 63 degrees when i left but it was perfect.  Watch Hill is such a comfortable place to be.  It was a great walk! you can see for your self!!

You can see how they are so different.  I was thinking, wow perfect day, nice light, how about a picture with all three of you. Maybe a christmas picture! NOPE!!

Grumpy mom spotted

A Grumpy Mom has been reported in the vicinity. She is moody and irrational.  She is willing to bite the head off of anybody who gets to close. Considered dangerous. DO NOT APPROACH. Avoid irritating behaviors, things like fighting, wrestling, whining, wanting to be feed at unreasonable times, clogging toliets with to much toliet paper, spilling legos all over the living room floor or even talking loudly.  No quick movements.  If cornered or feeling threatened, throw chocolate to the side and make a quick getaway.

Oh my I saw this poster of myself!  This past week i have been a cranky monster!  Well I finally could not stand the ringing in my ears so I called the doctor.  In the hectic schedule of yet another back to school night, I wait oh so patiently with three antsy boys in the small office.  Sure enough, I have a double inner ear infection! Holy Shit!  That explains a lot!  With a little medicine i should be on the road to recovery.  Phew.  I have to say though, after almost 4 days of medicine, i still have the ringing in my ears….oh well, i will give it a few more days and then call the poor doctor again.

The juggle has become a struggle

Okay so life is a juggle. Right.  Well sometimes i find having kids throws in so much more of a juggle or shall we say struggle.

I feel so frustrated lately, as I want to live my own life, i want to do the things i want to BUT having kids just seems to slow me down.  Dont get me wrong I LOVE MY KIDS. But sometimes my job asks me to work extended hours and well it is a lot they are asking.   Do they understand I have to find someone to watch my kids, which i have three, and that if my mom and dad are babysitting they are giving up their time? or how about i have to listen to my mom asking me if i could find someone else to work it for me?  My mom wanting to know when i am going to get a “real” job? (that is another bag of worms for another day)  then i have to have the guilt of leaving them, or i have to pay someone way to much f’ing money to watch them, money i just cannot afford.  (that is what sucks about non profit, no money) Sure I want to work some of these fun events, but I just cannot sometimes.

Then it makes me think.  Maybe this is not the job for me.  Maybe i need to do something else. Give up sailing, give up work and find a job i can go home and leave what ever at work?  perhaps some single person or married person with at home help would do my job better?

It has become a struggle as i have so many work pressures, (ie presenting at a conference, and being away for a week in CA, not enough staff and so on) then coming home to three boys who need my attention (ie homework that needs to be done, papers that need to be signed, dinner that needs to be made and cleaned up, the laundry, i dont need to continue you get the point).  It has become to much sometimes, and i just end up crying. not a lot, just a little chocked up.

The juggle has become a struggle.

I know it will get better, as it always does. I think in this transitional time it is tough.

Perks of the job! Helping to move a historic schooner

So the morning started early.  We were all at work around 530am.  It was still pitch black out.  The clock said it was morning but the sky sure did not.

Here is the first picture we could take.  Amy was in my boat and we to be positioned on the port stern…

Here we are moving this vessel.  I am in the little white boat in the black sweat shirt, pushing the really big white boat.

Again my job was to push the big white boat LIBERTY.  Can you see me?  It was hard work!!

This was my view from my boat.  It was so cool!!

Here Amy is trying to fend off while we push.

Here is the DUNTON coming up on the lift.

Here is the DUNTON as she sits on the lift.  notice her lines hanging down, almost like a hot air ballon being held down…

Well all in all it was a fun morning even if it was early!  Can you imagine it has got to go back in the water and put back!!  All of our vessels are coming out!  TWO MORE OUT!! I am so excited!

Back to school night middle school style

So tonight was back to school night for Jordan!  Have I told you how much i hate these?  Okay for the past five years we go with the kids, we are introduced to the teachers.  it is an exciting time.  NOT MIDDLE SCHOOL.  Parents go alone.  We meet with the principal.  she tells us how we are a partner and how they need our help.  OK.    She then goes on to talk about how kids need to come to school ever day, treating it like a job. and if they end up watching TV late, well that was no excuse.  OMG TV?  Let me remind you i live in an egocentric world, parents let their kids watch TV on school nights?  How outrageous!!!! School nights there is NO TV allowed!! WE play, do homework or read!  I have read 5 HARRY POTTER books and I have just started the 6th this week!!  There just is not enough time for the “soul sucking TV” school nights!!

now off to meet their teachers.  WOW they are YOUNG!  They can email their homework? WHAT?? My child does not use the computer! let alone have an email!!  I felt as if my child is missing out!!  Cell phones at 10 years old!  That is incrediable! I just do not seem to get it!  My little guy has to switch classrooms.  They are walking in the hall withkids from the 5th grade to the 8th grade! OMG!! Have i told you I am not ready for all this change, my babies are growing up!!  I so cannot do this alone anymore!

I think the hardest part about these back to school nights,is really a problem i have created in my head.  I always feel going to these things i feel like there is a huge spot light on me.

I know there is not, but it feels like that.  Like that is the mother who is divorced. Crazy ex husband, did you know the FBI is investigating him, he is creepy!!  (of course no one at school knows anything about me or my story but i know it and believe they can read my mind and feelings as if it were written on my back!) Most of these parents grew up together or have known each other for years going to play groups or what ever.  So i just feel so uncomfortable about it all.  I know this is something i have created in my head but sitting in these class rooms alone sucks.

But alas I know i need to make sure Jordan Nathaniel and Raymond KNOW EDUCATION is VERY IMPORTANT and i take it seriously!  Deep breathes! Every day is a learning experience. I will be strong for my boys.

feeling a bit exposed

have you ever told anyone something and after telling them you feel better yet feel very exposed? something you never really could verbalize but do somehow? almost like they can see through you, very uncomfortable? very exposed? very vulnerable?

Wanker

Well it was an eventful weekend!   washer broke, dryer came to a screeching halt, and then there was no hot water. Instead of boring you with all those details I think this story below sums up one of the many funny conversations i have had with my sons!

So we were on our way to the grocery store, kids pile into the car.  I forgot my shopping bags so i hop out to get them.  Jordan decides he needs some water so he hops out too!  No big deal.  so When both jordan and I get back to the car, Nathaniel says he is thirsty.  Jordan is kind enough to share his water with him so he throws the waterbottle to him.  It lands in his lap and this is how it goes…

N- OWWW that hit my nuts!

R- giggles

Me – what did you say? (in total disbelief my 8 year old would say something like that)

N- OWWWW that hit my NUTS!!

Me- (shocked trying not to laugh out loud) Oh no you cannot say that! that is not polite.

N – What should i say?

Me – I dont know, not that.  Slang is bad.  So dont call it nuts, balls, weiny, pee pee, joystick,  wanker….

CAR ERUPTS INTO LAUGHTER

J- (laughing) I have never heard WANKER, that is great!

Me- Woo no no that is bad… (totally opened that bag of worms, now wondering if and who they are going to tell their mom called it a “wanker”)

N – (laughing) what do we call it?

Me- do you know the proper names? (hoping to god someone knows the answer)

Silence….then my little Raymond says as if i was insulting him, testicles.

Me – yes that is right.  So if this happens we really should not be saying these things out in public. (Now getting flustered.)  Let’s just say we should not talk about our privates in public, that is why they call it private.

Car settles down.  We arrive at the grocery store and all i can think about is if my boys are going to bring this topic up in the store!

I totally gave them a new word to use to describing their “joystick”.  I wonder how i am ever going to make it as a single mom of three boys.  OMG what is a girl to do?