Past two days! if only all of them could be like this!!

Phew what a cool couple of days.  Okay so life has been rocky.  But the past two days have been pretty cool….

Friday i went to work.  Got work done! interviewed someone for the summer job…hoped on the bus to go to a match wtih the sailing team!!

Off to the middle of Rhode Island to sail two matches one day!  The first match, the kids had to sail boat they were not used to, and did not do as well. The score was 2-1 and they lost.    But then they switched boats, into 420s, and they were happy little clams! They raced their little hearts out and beat the other team, 3-0!!  Oh i am so proud of them and here is a pic of WINNING!!

So home i came on the bus,ugh, but it was not so bad, sat in the front and had a few good conversations with the kids. I was text messaging with a friend, saying KID FREE WEEKEND!! Out to dinner we went!  OMG it was great! Great food, I had the best martini, oatmeal cookie! YUMMMY i think i could have thrown back a few more but had to drive home!

Saturday Morning, i was dragging my butt out of bed as I just could not sleep!  UGH! but off to the seaport for a frostbite regatta!  I have wonderful staff that take care of itall.  all i had to do was show up!  I did! and what a wonderful day!  The weather man said rain, but there was NO RAIN and it was a gorgeous day, nice breeze and I got to ride around in the crash boat!  Carrie came down with the cutest dogs ever!!  here is a few perfect pictures of the day!

Then off to an awards party.  (I so HATE THOSE just way to close to people. )  Got a plaque for the sponsoring the regatta!  and a cocktail glass! YEAH!  Then rush home to change out of my salty clothes and out to dinner!  YEAH for such a great friend!  Good drink, good food, good friend!

I am tired and sunburn, i think i am going to bed! I have a house to clean tomorrow! then back to work!  But how can i complain when i get to be on the water???

Mind dumb

I have to say, my mind seems to be flooded with thoughts…i just cannot seem to keep one long enough to react.  So i thought i would just do a little mind dumb…. here goes

• We have our first sailing match today! very excited about that but not about riding the bus.
• Work is tough and that is all i am going to say
• i have new glasses! I dont love or hate them, they are just different
• i am having bad dreams again.  ugh
• i watch grey’s anatomoy last night, and wonder is there is such a thing as the love and relationships they portray?
• I think i need a hug, from someone who cares
• I cried yesterday
• my exhusband is not allow to talk to us or communicate with the kids.  so he had his “roommate” send them to me and signed his name.  jerk.
• parenting seems to be getting in the way of life.
• single parenting is tough, when i say i do not have time, no i really mean it, the only “free” time is when the kids are in school and i have to work…and they do not go to school long enough.
• kids get sick, my life stops, ugh
• i have a kid free weekend, but i have to work all day on saturday
• my house is a mess
• my laundry is all caught up, i only have sheets to do!  I love my new washer!!
• i am going out to dinner with a friend tonight and tomorrow night
• i get to hang out with teenagers this afternoon
• i am hungry

If only i could clone myself

Okay, I know i am a bit of a control freak.  Asking for help is just not in my nature, I help others….but holy shit!

Now I have to admit i actually enjoy being a single parent most times.  I do not have to conference with anyone on how to handle a situation, my kids do not pit me against another parent, my word is law, my parenting style is the only one, and so on…but there are times when it SUCKS!  i know my parents want to help but lets face it they have their own lives, jobs.  they want to help but on their terms…i think i have been over this…

My boys have been out of school for two days sick, the stomach thing…..now the babysitter has it and now i am ASS OUT! i have to get some work done, and have been from home but have stuff to do at work!!!  I have to go to practice tomorrow but I have no babysitter…I think i have spent a little to much time alone. Also with sick kids i have been unable to go to the grocery store…slim pickings around here!

I feel:

shipwrecked!

I dont know what to say

So work is a bit stressful….you know same old story…economy is bad, work is stressful…blah blah blah…

I am having health related issues, that are scary.  I feel kinda lonely. I know i have plenty of supportive friends but…

I never really thought i would be HERE in life, alone with no significant other, to hold on to for support.  Instead i stand strong, trying to show my boys that in times that are tough, you stand up and fight. Never take it laying down.  It just gets so tough, and the longer i keep others out the harder it is to let people in to help….ugh!

Sailing team has started and last year it was my “happy place” no matter how shitty work or life was that was a place for me to be “free”.  This year i just dont feel it. I am not sure if i just have not gotten into the groove but ugh, it is almost like work.

I want to throw glass.  If you have ever thrown glass or plates it just seems so good.  a stress reliever.  I remember as i kid i would walk on the beach, sit on the jetty and throw a glass bottle against the rocks.  I KNOW it was littering, but i cold rationalize it as, i was helping someone grow their sea glass collection…So what about creating a space where you could, bring your own plates or bottles and come throw them against the wall or rocks or something.  a controlled enviroment so we were not polluting the earth.  I just think that would be a great stress reliever.  Maybe tomorrow after practice i will go throw a bottle….

SHHHH!! Mommy is still sleeping!

this time around, the time change is kicking my butt.  I just cannot seem to wake up in the morning….I am whipped.  I hit the snooze so many times.  Thank god Jordan has his own alarm clock.

This morning, Jordan apparently hit his snooze, well i think he turned it off.  He went back to sleep as did I.  Raymond, master of getting enough sleep, was in bed snuggled up to me  this morning watching the TODAY show and turning off my alarm clock.

Before I knew it, my little protector, Raymond, says, “SHHHHH, Mommys sleeping” to Jordan who was standing at the other side of the bed in his boxers.  Telling Raymond, he needed a pair of pants!  Poor kid!  It was 730am and he and I usually get up at 640am to get showered and dressed.

I jumped out of bed, in the nick of time, he ate, and my dad came to take him to school while i showered! All within 15min.  I was ready to do the sniff test if i had too!  I will sink that low, but luckily i still had a clean basket in the basement clean!  PHEW!  RUSH RUSH RUSH!

Please do not rain tomorrow!

Wow so it has been a whirlwind of a couple of days!  Skiing one day and then skiing the next!  Who does that? Oh right, ME!!

We went on a family trip to NH this weekend! Wow I skiied with the boys! They are great!  I went to an auction with my brother, we won the painting we were bidding on, but somehow my dad ended up with it!

Monday was the first day we got on the water with the high school kids!  It was nice to be out there even if it was raining/sleeting/snowing!  Not many people can say they do that!

Well I am beat!  Still fighting this cold here, or maybe it is just stress on my body?  who knows but tomorrow we have practice. It is a happy place for me, now if only i could bottle that feeling?! I would be rich!  Pray there will be no RAIN/SLEET during practice!

I will leave you will a few pictures:  ENJOY!!

Nathaniel on the lift!

Jordan on the lift! Rock star!

Raymond on the lift telling me how to ski!

Raymond sleeping with Simon!!  AWW LOVE!!

NOW SAILING!!! TWO DAYS LATER…..SNOW THEN OCEAN!!!! YIPPEEE sailing season has started!!

Sailing team getting ready!  Yes it was snow/sleeting/raining!  LOVE IT

I just love this picture!

My mind works in curious ways

I  think my mind is like a filing system, a bit unorganized.  but none the less, ordered enough to pull the right file out and say this is where you were a year ago, or a smell will trigger a memory, good or bad and all those files flood you.

I think our mind is such a curious thing.  I feel as though it can tell time.  a huge event has happened, say a birth, you remember and the feelings that go with it, you remember death and the feeling that go with that….or other things that are a bit more private in your world but you still remember and everyone around does not necessarily remember things like, marriage proposal, divorce, rape, termination of the right to visit your children.

you see, my mind has been dreaming, and they have not been good dreams. Dreams of being out of control.  I feel for the most part I have my world in some sort of order, even though it looks chaotic…. what am i talking about?  This Friday will be the one year mark of us being free of Chester.  We have not heard a word from him since that day.  It was such an awful day, I really did not want to be standing there because eleven years earlier while planning my wedding i never thought i would have been standing in the Hallway.

There have been questions from the kids, and I feel i have answered them as best i could.  But my mind, i think I still has  trouble answering all the questions.  I still feel unresolved, still feeling like i still watch over my shoulder, worry a bit more about the boys.  worry about doing the right thing.  My dreams are so mean to me, they have made me feel as if chester is coming into my life, and literally pull the rug out from where i am standing and taking control.  In the dream, I am constantly pulling back, looking for help, but i always end up in a room.  Locked in the room, I am banging on doors begging to get out, because i know i have friends and family willing to help.

I think i am dealing with an internal struggle. But i blame it on my minds clock.  It knows. It remembers last year standing in the hallway for the last time.  The fear I had that day.  The fears i still have.  The fear of what is ahead for me.

So before I go to bed tonight, I will think of sailing.  clear blue water, I know i cannot change the wind, no matter how hard i try, but i can adjust my sails in order to gain a bit more control…..

Ask me about my new iPod!!

Did you hear I got a new iPod! OMG I think they were sick of me saying that today. My old iPod was on its last legs, it could not hold a charge and well it was dying.  Well I then lost it, now I am not so sure i lost it rather someone might have taken it out of my car…not sure but oh well, it will not do them any good as it needed to be plugged in to work.  It was old and on its last leg….if that.

Well before xmas my computer of 6 years crashed. more like crash and burn.  You could not even get it to turn on…it was sad.  What was even more sad was the fact i did not back up any of my pictures or music…. so gone….well with losing my music i was upset and did not want to buy another iPod because of it.

Well with a little, (a lot of saving) I took the plunge….I bought a new iPod.  I could not believe how happy it made me.  I ended up writing apple a very nice email…explaining how i had bought A LOT of music from them and it would be very nice of them to help a girl out….plus in these deperate times they did not want me going to limewire to download free songs…then share what I had….

My apple came through for me….I got to redownload all the songs i had bought and that were still on itunes!!!  AHHHH and then i downloaded more songs….I was so happy.

I went to work and shared my new music with the office…not sure how much they liked it, but OH YEAH, it is the little things that make us happy, even if it does cost an arm and a leg!!!!!!!!!

go ahead, ask me about my new iPod!  LOVE IT!!!

Snow again? March in like a lion out like a lamb! phew!

Snow snow snow! Excuse me it is MARCH do we really need this much snow? I had already put the shovels on the hooks in the garage, winter was over and sailing season starts, well today actually was our first practice, CANCELED!

Well I went outside to start shoveling with my broken shovel. I could see the neighbor snow blowing thinking I need one of those….my dad drives up to drop off a few things the kids left at their house and he even said, looks like you need one of those!

Dad leaves, neighbor says, hey you want to use the snow blower? AWWWWW yeah! He told me he would do it for me if he had time, he was shoveling out to go to work. He gave me the breakdown on how to use the machine….and in a matter of minutes i was covered in snow and the driveway was clear!!

Thanks Neighbor!!

Shhhh….it’s my kids school calling my cell

So Friday, I limped into work, so that paychecks could be given out, I could get a jump on time cards, i would have passed them in if i had gotten them all!! BUT most importantly it was “Thai Friday”!  I love Thai friday!  I have two dishes I like there depending on my mood will depend on which one i get. Another story another day….

well we were eating lunch and my cell phone rings.  Now, the cell phone is personal, and only friends have this number, because of caller ID some people rank higher than others.  But seeing that I am a single parent I feel i need one and I do not wear a watch so it works outs for me.

Kids schools rank pretty high.  well I will walk out of a meeting to answer it or stop my world.  As they have my world at school and I will do anything for these little ones!

Phone rings, and it is Jordans school.  Oh great, he is now sick….I answer and it is a cheerful teacher on the phone.  First words out of her mouth were, “Jordan’s okay”  phew… she then goes on to tell me there was an altercation at school.  She goes on to tell me that Jordan was fooling around in the front of the line and was sent to the back of the line with a couple of kids.  Well something happened at the back of line. One of the boys was upset and “shoved jordan into the wall a couple of times” OMG….she quickly said she sent him to the nurses office to be checked out and put some ice on his back and there were no bumps or marks! Holy Shit!

I asked what Jordan did in response to it, she said, nothing.  He walked away.  It was not until another child came to her did she know the whole story.  Shocked, and of course the mother instinact in me was I would have shoved back so hard I would have knocked out teeth….(oh right i have a little pent up anger, Shocking)  His teacher was very proud of Jordan and how he handled himself.  And so was I.

Someone at the lunch table asked, in so many words…..what 6th grader do we need to rough up.  Haha…my thoughts too!

I asked Jordan what happened and what did he do.  He went on to tell me the same story his teacher told me.  He said, “Mommy, my friends egged me on to push him back or hit him, but I didn’t ’cause I would have gotten into trouble too.”  He was not about to hit another person!  I am proud of him, he is the most out going, happy kid, moody as most preteens are….but he was the bigger person today, i think he was a bigger person than i would have been.

He is a great kid!   I just hope he is not to much of a wuss!