First day of camp

Man it is never boring at work, I must say!!  I have a “green” staff which is great!  I am learning how many times i rolled my eyes at my boss when he said the things he said. I hope i have learned from him and hope they will learn from me as well.  It is so tough!  Anyway…went to work around 1230ish, all seemed well, everyone was excited and you could feel the nervous energy, it was kinda cool. check in went well, for only 11 kids…we had the opening ceremony, which was fine, until JY15s on the back dock started to capsize at the dock!! HOLY SHIT…instructors went running!! I went out to help out as well!  I could  not believe i walked out of the opening ceremony…

Mental note, make sure ALL F’ing boats are tied down at all times, you never know when the wind will take them away!!  So the ceremony went on, we talked with the parents reassured them everything would be great even though the weater forcast was not very promising.  We did have 17 acres of historical museum to entertain the kids and really 11?peParents were off, amy houli and I went to tie down the Jy15s to make sure that did not happen again….I notice their is a beautiful wooden fishing boat that was in the middle of the basin.  I made a mental note, i should watch that…

Boats are done, the three of us go inside to watch the new instructors give the “rig up” lecture.  We were enjoying ourselves on the back windowsill.  then an instructor pointed to the boat, not in the middle of the basin, but over the shoal!  OMG, we need to call someone!!

• Dock office, no answer, hang up.  Security, answered…went something like this…
• me: dock office people still here?
• security: ahhh no, want me to get up and see….pause
• Me: NOT really, there is a boat about to crash into the other side of the river….
• security: ahh, well i do…..
• Me: cutting him off, forget it, you are not helping I am calling the VP of watercraft. kinda hang up on him…i think he is a bit slow and probably did nto realize i did…

I then called the VP of watercraft, he is on speed dail on my phone, I know that all my programs were taken out of his department, but hell this is an emergency….

Dial phone:

• Me: Hello D..
• D: oh hello hallie….
• Me:  sorry to bother you but, there is a situation and I need some advice…..
• D: go ahead
• Me:  sorry to bother you, but there is this beautiful wooden boat dragging its mooring across the basin, it is now over the shoal and in about 5 to 10 minutes it will be across on the rocks, what should I do??
• D: that wooden fishing boat that was down in the anchorage, it is here for wooden boat….GO GET IT
• ME: you sure….okay….I will call you when i do…

I hung up the phone, signaled to Amy and Houli, grab your PFD i need your help….

out like a flash, I took the biggest engine and boat i had, over we went…it never really crossed my mind how big that boat really was.  We got to the boat, I thought in a logical pattern, bow, stern and two spring lines….BUMPERS!!

The three of us pulled it off, not really how, but I love those guys, a bit nervous not really my boat and well, here we were getting ready to tow it back to safety.  Lines tied up, boat secure, off we go, my boat full throttle, a bit nervous we were not going anywhere, but alas, we were, the wind was killing us.  Slowly we got ourselves away from the shore and bock to the docks we were going.  I could see a woman on land watching us and all i could wonder, was what did she think was going on??

We inched our way back only to get stuck!  SHIT not my boat!  with a little backing and turning i finally got it off, i will admit i got a little nervous…..this boat was big!  instructors were on the docks ready to catch the boat.  We safely land this boat on the docks.  PHEW!!  NOW WHAT?? We tie it off, actually we tie it to one of our ships to support its weight.  My little docks would never have held them without support.  This boat would have ripped it off.

With the boat secure, I was ready to call the VP to tell him what happened and what we did.  We then see the owner!  You knew it was the owner as he was running towards us.  We all were so excited, he actually said to us to slow down!

We told him what happened.  He actually hugged me! I think i needed the hug as well and i am not a hugging type of girl!!  He was so grateful!  It was such a great feeling!!  He offered us money, work policy is not to take money and even if i were not at work i would not have taken it.  there was not enough money in the world that would compare to the feeling i had.  I was so proud!  i was proud of amy and houli.  I was so proud we saved this boat from ALOT of damage!  I cannot tell you how much i appreciate these guys, and the amount of faith they had in getting it done.  I am proud to have them by my side at work!

So that was the first day of camp…good god, i hope this is not an indication of how the summer is going to go!!

PS…my little boat should never have moved that boat!!  I went to say hello to the owner today while walking around the seaport.  When i approached his boat…I could not believe my powerboat moved his boat.  It did not seem possible.  and if you asked me i would never have believed it if i was not there!!  AMAZING!!  I will try and take pictures of it tomorrow!!

It must start with me if it is to get better

I always hear, life is like a roller coaster.  But someone said, yes it is like a roller coaster but it is the only ride we get!  how right they are…makes you think….

Okay life has been a bit crazy, that is no secret.  I get it, I have been hitting the bottom and I have been digging as it was not low enough.  I think i had an outer body experience a couple of weeks ago.  I had cried everyday on my way to work, and then at night thinking i just cannot go back.  I found myself, reaching for comfort items that were not helping anyone, my kids, my job, my friendships and so on but me especially.  I could see i needed help.  I  had gone through a whole bottle of rum and i really do not drink anymore, ask anyone.  nothing was making me happy.  It seemed as though passion was sucked out of me and I hurt.

I realized no one was going to reach into my black hole and rescue me.  I had to save myself.  It was like i was back on that floor on Oberlin Street, after I had kicked my ex husband out, paralyzed, this time not in fear but in self pity.

So step one, get a kitten.  It would love me unconditionally, alls i have to do is feed it and water it and it will love me. It will not fight or yell at me.  They say having a pet will help your soul.  Okay, check that off!  The kitten has arrived, Lily.

Just getting the kitten did not help.  I was still crying.  Now what?  I know, i need to go to the gym and eat better.  I have such an urge to fight, why not at the gym.  I have been eating food that does not make me feel good.  I need help doing this as i have trying on my own forever and honestly seems like it is a fail.

So help is what i looked for.  I had a nutritionist, she was nice, but by the book, FOOD PYRAMID, ugh.  But I don’t like pasta, bread gives me a stomach and milk, YUCK!  So that was good, she helped me see that drinking so much Crystal lite ice tea was not so good and now I really only drink water.

So a couple of things happened, Becca, was going to the gym to see a trainer and would come home and rave about her experience.  I wanted to feel that high too.  So I went, talked with the owner, he does not have an ounce of fat on him, lets just say he is ripped!  I laid it out on the line to him, I told him I needed help.  I was nervous, I did very little exercise, was pretty much a “princess” and pulled the girl card as needed.  I also told him that I actually am the boss at work and was not sure how this would work, someone telling me what to do.  Mike, the trainer, saw this as a challenge i think.  He really does not take no for an answer, and he seems to know when the weights are to light!  I have found that high, coming home from the gym.  I even have homework i need to do every night.  Mike thinks i should be doing cardio everyday! I think he is smoking crack, I said obtainable goals.  Three or four days a week!  Two with him!

Then, when going to my favorite juice bar…..wait the Only juice bar in the area…..I was talking with the owner, talking to her about foods, and nutritionists and so on.  She recommended, Heather!  Heather is a Health Counselor, helping me understand food better, what foods work and SUPPORT!  Someone who is not dwelling on the food pyramid, but focusing on me as the individual.  We have meet twice, it has been great. It seems as though someone understands what i am saying and will help.

Everyday seems to have its own challenges.  I do nto seem to cry everyday, I am trying to look forward to the positives, going to the gym, talking with Heather.  I want to enjoy life and everyone around me.  I need to be a good example for my boys.  I want to find what is missing.  I am the only one who will fix it.  I know that.  I am ready and I am arming myself with the support I need. I know it may not be easy, and may fall again, but I hope this time I am pointing in the right direction.  (oh and I have lost 8lbs!!)

Feeling a little tense!

Kinda how i feel right now…I am trying to work on more positive ways of dealing with these internal and external stress.  I think my expectations of myself and my world are to high sometimes? I do not know.  I really think i need to refocus and start from within.  I am working on it!