doors, walls, bridges.
We all have them. sometimes we have so many walls up we are unable to see the beauty of the world around us. sometimes we build so many bridges to many people are coming to invade your space. then the doors you have, some are open some are closed…some you open and want to close quickly.
finding that balance.
So I have been eating so many different foods lately…. I know it has done me a world of good, i have the blood work to show for it and I am happily missing 27lbs because of it!! I have tried a couple of desserts and this one is by far the best!! YUMMY!! I even brought it to work and had a sampling ! It is a raw vegan dessert but trust me it is good!! It takes time to make but well worth the effort!!
I would post a picture but it gets eaten so fast!!! Next time I promise! 
CRUST
CHEESE
TO MAKE-
Sprinkle coconut on the bottom of a 8″ spring form pan (to avoid the crust sticking). Use a food processor to process nuts and dates to form a crust. Gently press the crust into the pan and smooth with a plastic scraper.
Next, blend (in a high powered blender) all the “cheese” ingredients until smooth & creamy. Pour “cheese” evenly over crust and place in freezer until frozen If you have bubbles gently tap pan on the counter. Add a little agave or some dates if not sweet enough. Defrost in refrigerator an hour before serving. Garnish with fresh fruit.
**I would bet you could throw some fresh fruit in the “cheese” to make a fruity cake. Trust me people will not believe this is truly good for you!! ENJOY!
Dear Lonely
It seems as if you have touched yet another two victims, my friends. Lonely…. you and your friend depression, well you two go hand in hand sometimes and well….you hurt! I do not know if it is more lonely or depression that your icy hand comes into ones soul and rips out hope. This icy grip has grabbed another soul to tightly i am afraid. I know we have had good times and bad. For what ever reason your grip has not been so tight on me. I appreciate that.
Sure I still do not like the feeling of going to bed at night . I still have to leave the tv on because sometimes i am scared to be alone. Lonely hurts and then depressions comes in for the kill. Or how about waking in the middle of the night and no one is there to protect me from the monsters under the bed…lonely hurts…… Sure I go home and have three over joyed children to see me and tell me about their day, but have no adult to listen to my day or even care that my day may have sucked. I do know , Lonely you are your friend depression, are waiting for me for the holidays. This year will be different, because i have found a new friend, Hope and her friend Motivation.
You have taken so much from me that I have come to believe there are no good guys out there that would accept me as i am, a mother with control issues, a little bit of OCD and the need to be loved. The longer your icy grip has held, i am not sure if it is that i have just become numb to the feeling or i am accepting it. Please let me thaw out….i do not want to be this way…..please please release your grip.
Release your grip not only on me but leave my friends out of it. Please let my friends go, she wants to get up and have a better life. I think depression has come in for the kill. She does not want to do any of the fun things in life, hell, she does not even want to go to the gym….and that was her happy place. Let her go! I have other friends, and i have to believe, Hope and Motivation will be with them soon.
Some things you cannot take away though. and those are my friends. Yes, I have friends now, everyone is in a different place in life, some are married, some are single, some are divorced, some are dating. Not one of them can relate to my lonely, but each of them can understand a little of what it is like. I think you have found your way into some of their hearts…but i am here to tell you NO MORE LONELY. Take your friend depression and go! I am done with you. So to quote Dr. Seuss:
“I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind.
Some come from ahead and some come from behind.
But I’ve bought a big bat. I’m all ready you see.
Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!”
~ Dr. Seuss
Be gone, Hope and Motivation are here to stay!!
Lovingly,
Working Hard over here with out you!
Dear Pepe Le Pew,
I do believe you belong in Paris, strolling the streets searching for love but somehow I see that you have taken a liken to my breezeway. I have seen you on TV and I understand you do not take “no” for an answer. I know you are just searching for “love”. Well let me tell you that my cat, Lily, is not your type. She is a sweet little kitty and has no interest in a skunk! She is to young to be hanging out with an older wiser skunk as your self!
So if you would please take your smelly butt and find another breezeway to stroll looking for love. You know the cops are on to you! He was here tonight and threatened to get a gun and shoot you!! So run now or i will be forced to call them back and trap you. Now i do not wish that on anyone!
Please find love somewhere else friend!
Sweet Lily’s mom
A picture of Pepe La Pew just so you can if he comes to your breezeway!!
A week and half of school is done! PHEW how many more do we have to go? Dont get me wrong my kids love school. I feel like i have been behind the eight ball lately…trying to play catch up from the summer, then feeling unmotivated to get anything done, like upload pictures from my camera and such! OMG since the middle of July there were well over 300 pictures that needed attention!! It looks like through the pictures it was a great summer! Oh my!
Well it was back to school night, and we all know how much i like those things….okay I really do not like them. I know i know it is all in my head. I know i am insecure about the fact i am flying solo on this parenting thing, but i feel like there is a huge spot light on my back as i sit in the front of the gym. SHE’S THE SINGLE PARENT OF THE CRAZY EXHUSBAND.
Well i do not know any of these parents other to say hello. Not like any are my friends. Close to the end of the talk from teh principal i started counting my fingers as i got nervous sitting there. I looked around and even the gay guys sitting in front of me had each other. AGGHHHH!! Deep breath it is over…and really it is about Jordan and no one else. He is a smart kid he just needs to apply himself!
On to other things, today while eating lunch with a great friend, I reconized someone from my married days. She was the mother of my exhusbands best man. She was an amazing woman. She was always so kind to me. Even after the divorce she called. She asked what happened, and i must have felt comfortable enough to tell her. She even lives in the same town i do. but as time has gone on, and chester made me feel crazy and isolated, i lost touch. Well today, I saw her, and all i could think of was my dad, my dad telling me that if you see someone you know, you must go up and say hello. UGH, i struggled with it, but i did, i went up and said hello. She did not recognize me at first, but i had my name tag on from work. and once she realized who i was, (with great fear i was going to be rejected) she hugged me! It was awesome, but i was still oh so nervous. I did the right thing. We chatted for a bit, I was so happy to see her. She was very warm and welcoming. Verying good to see her, and i hope to be in touch with her again. I am so glad i said hello. I worried so much in those few minutes. I mean it has been over 1 1/5 years since i have seen chester, what if he had been filling her with lies. But he had not, she asked about him and if we saw him. She was sad to hear he was no longer allowed to talk with us or see us, but she also understood it was for the best for the boys. I have to always remind myself that i did nothing wrong and the divorce was not my fault. Thank heavens for my dad, his voice reminded me to do the right thing.
So i have been making green smoothies for breakfast. Well Carrie wanted to try the blueberry bliss one, so i made her the blueberry bliss, i made a peach and basil for myself and a sampler for Amanda!! YUMMY!! I like this eating more fresh fruits and veggies!! Still only have lost 24 lbs! UGHHHH
Lastly, we had a sushi night at my house with the STS gang. It was great fun. It is nice to make and eat food together! Even the kids got into it a little. Jordan eating salmon!! YUMMY!!
Okay summer is over, life seems to be getting back on track. deep breathes….so much to tell you all…. i know i have been so bad about writing but now i am feeling more focused and feel the need to share….maybe to much or not enough…we shall see…
Kids went back to school. We have been doing this for a couple of years so it seems to be like out hat. I have so many stories and pictures to share.. and recipes…but most of all I want to share with you…..I HAVE LOST 24LBS OMG!! LOVE IT! and to tell you the truth, my bra does not fit anymore! UGH that is the worst!
Well I am alive and it is past my bed time. I think i will be back on this blog wagon again, i kinda miss it. Plus i think i am going to need some help understanding all these bad dreams i am having…..it seems the more ambien i take the more i dream. the less i take, the less sleep i get! just need to know what battles tofight i guess. I am going to bed on that note….
Wow it has been so long since i last blogged! Holy cow! Alright some updates:
Okay well i want to find time for my blog!! and i will! So many other things to talk about!! I am trying very hard to look towards the positives, like camp is almost over! phew!! then I am sailing on a 12 meter again! YEAH!! This xmas project is AWESOME!!
Ok ok I know i talked about this in my last post….. i talked about my “outlaws” but i have to tell you this subject brings me to my knees. I do wish there was some sort of guide or rule book or hell someone else who has dealt with this kinda of stuff. Now i know there are others out there but it is not a subject that comes up often.
Well a little back story, I have sole custody of my boys and my ex is not allowed to have any contact with us and if he would like to he has to have testing done to prove he is not a threat to the children. Now his parents have seen my boys a grand total of 5 times in their 10 years on this earth. They were never nice to me, writing letters to me telling me what an awful person i was. Then to have my “husband” at the time defend them and take their side. Now he married me not his parents! But whatever, the bottom line in it all, they KNEW he had a problem before he married me and started having children.
So i feel bad they do not know how wonderful my kids are. They are growing up to be great kids, they are smart, funny, and beautiful. I am not doing so bad and who would not want to brag about their wonderful kids? And guess what, it has nothing to do with them or their son have done for me or the boys. I really feel it is a privilege to be a parent or a grandparent, it is not a right. The have not earned the right to be their grandparents. They did not protect them before they came to the earth what makes me think they will protect them now?
I feel as though my boys do not need such negititivy in their lives, or such mean spirited people. I have not allow contact with them. I am sure with this age of computers i will not be able to keep it away for ever. They sent me an email yesterday asking in not a very nice way to send them pictures of their grandsons. I just do not know what to do? i want to do what is right and what is best for the boys…….but i have to wonder am i doing the right thing by not allowing contact? should i share pictures with them? should i share stories? will that lead them to want to see them? is it opening pandora’s box? oh god this kills me.
Phew this week passed so quickly! Gym, sailing through a squall, camp inspector coming to camp. Then getting sick. YUCK!!
Gym was good. I am starting to notice clothes fit different, my dad noticed, he said why do you keep pulling up your pants? ’cause they are to big!! how cool is that? I have lost 16 lbs and inches of my body! it is cool! It is hard work as well! I like the way it makes me feel. and i am feeling better.
Sailing through the squall, holy shit! tallen and i were getting ready for the start, i said to him, i am having a hard time seeing the start. We were getting heavier wind and then as the starting gun goes off, the wind changes directions 180 degrees and picks up to 20 plus knots! YIKES, four boats drop out and tallen and i pull ourselves together cross the start line a little late but finish the race. It was heavy wind, we got banged around a little, but all in all we had a great time.
Friday i could tell i was getting sick but went to the gym anyway to see if i could sweat it out. THat is after the camp inspector came. We passed. I came home and went straight to bed. Wayne called on his way home from practice, to see what was going on. He offered help, it was so nice! thanks!
They boys were tired they watch tv,i picked up some chinese food for them and i crawled back into bed until noon the next day. phew!
Went shopping for Jordan’s big camp he is off to in a couple of weeks. Picked up granny at the airport, hung with mom and dad then made my way home.
To put a damper on the weekend, the “outlaws” emailed me asking me to send pictures “of their grandsons” I am torn. I do not know what to do about this….what the right thing to do…they were so mean to me. I can count the times they have seen my boys on one hand. but as a proud mother i want to share my boys and show the world what great kids they are! UGH i just do not know what to do…..I wish there was a rule book or guidelines to follow in this case… share your thoughts.
Wow! Party, party, Race comittee and another party tomorrow! OMG Stop me now!
So yesterday after work i went to the gym, it felt good! then home for a quick shower and change to go to an annual beach party with reggae band, good food and great rum punch! Then up early for the Breakfast on the beach! We always start off the summers with breakfast on the beach party. WAHOO! that is early! I cooked 9 dozen eggs to order and had a great time cooking next to my brother. We had four grills on the beach going, bacon, eggs, sausage, pancakes, fruit and baked goodies. Honestly i never saw the baked goodies i was to busy cooking eggs!
While at the party i hear they are taking APHRODITE out for Race Committee. What you do not know this boat? OMG she is beautiful!
Oh you want to get closer to the boat??
Oh my goodness! I have dreamed of getting on this boat! Well today was the day! Today Out i went, happy as a calm and boy can she move! She is beautiful in and out! and to learn of her and her who’s who guest list! Shirley Temple had a birthday party on her! OMG how cool!
Well it was a fun day watching the races, and I took lots of pictures!
Tomorrow ANOTHER party! Who knew such a party girl!?!
Happy 4th! here are a few photos of the races!
You are currently browsing the archives for the Uncategorized category.
