Phew craziness

What it is April 5th! and i have not written in so long…sorry i can explain.

As everyone knows, the ecomomy sucks! and well that effects everyones job!  I mean i have had friends loose their jobs and some who they are told they might be on the chopping block as well! It is stressful to hear, but i must say, work for me has been S T R E S S F U L!!! OMG kinda like we are all in the zoo, the animal keeper is starving us, tricking us, trying to get us to jump through hoops and then dangling food.  We all seem to be turning on each other.  It sucks!  NO FUN!

To make work more fun, one of friends and coworkers who took the early retirment in December, passed away this week.  We all knew she was sick and has had cancer for years!  She is a strong woman!  She put up one hell of a fight!  I hope she is at peace now, she will be missed.

This kid thing is tough.  I really think i need friends that are single parents.  I found out there is a single parents group here in town, the last thursday of the month.  So i think i am going to go.  Now, i told my mom about this.  YOu know trying to do something positive for me.  She told me, “go, but you might find you have a lot more support than everyone else”  For FUCK SAKE!  let me just go.  She has no idea what it is like to be a solo parent.  She had my dad, we had opairs for years, she has had house cleaners and babysitters!  SO she HAS NO IDEA!!  I guess i was hurt when she said that, instead of supporting me she shot me down.  UGH

I spent my who sunday helping jordan work on his project, honestly, i worked on it while i pushed him along!  Then i was inside all day trying to push him and i was cleaning.  I really wanted to go outside and take a walk in this wonderful weather.

So some other random things, i found out about this site… thescramble.com it is awesome!  It makes a HEALTHY menu and then creates a list for you to go grocery shopping!! OMG sooooo cool!!!!  check it out and let me know what you think!!

lastly there is this website that keeps coming to my site, condron.us weird, it is like blogs for people with ADD! check it out!

It was hard to let go…

…i close the car down.  Holy shit is it cold outside.  Deep breathes, cold air fills my lungs and i cough….walk up to the back steps, it is brightly lite…people are going in and out.  I am with a friend.  I ask for a mint.  I think to myself i really should have brushed my teeth, i am going to have to talk to people and even hug them….hummmm….the door is open for me, i welcome the warmer air inside, we walk in, the smell is the same. it looks “nice fake”, everything seems to look plastic, it is neat in there, it still had the 70s look….if you have been to one all the rest seem the same. 

We get to the end of the hallway, we see some friends, some people out of our everyday lives…wonder how they are connected. Some talk, some watch the video, everyone is forming a line.  I stood there watching the video, it was cool, it had beautiful shots of the water, of boats, of happy people.  It was time to go.  I was feeling strong. i was not feeling emotional.  Turned the corner and was a bit relieved the casket was closed.

There is my dad’s best friend, always strong,  cantankerious older man, stubborn, never showing emotion except, annyance.  He stood strong, he was talking to everyone coming through.  I stood in front of him, and he was able to show raw emotion.  He started to cry.  His younger brother was dead.  There were people sobbing the whole wait to him. 

Then there was JR.  I had not seen him for about a year.  I knew he had gotten himself into some trouble.  I know life is not easy for him. but we have been friends for years. we sailed together in teh summer, shot off fireworks at the farm on 4th of july with the rest of the kids.  went to high school toghther, he was my prom date one year….he came home after his divorce and we sat and chatted for hours.  and then he drifted away.  he is the kind of friend where you just pick up where you left off…

tongiht, i held out my hand. both hands clutching.  In his eye you could see the pain, i could feel the pain through his hands, alls he could say was “this sucks”.  I know,  I know.  We embraced in a hug.  He held so tight, i did nto think he was going to let go.  Then I could feel his whole body shake. he took a deep breath in and as he let it out crying into my shoulder, i could feel the soul hurt. I felt a little of him let go.  our embrace let go, we looked at each other. I did nto expect to cry but i did.  As i started to cry he reached out for another hug.  It was like two worlds swirling around and unaware of the mass of people around.  I told him what you should tell everyone, i loved him and that i am always here no matter what…  he cried into my shoulder and said I know thank you….

I walked away, it was hard, i had to greet a few more people. only thing i wanted to do was get out of there.  i could nto imagine how he felt.  It was his father.  the grandfather to his children.  It really made me think about life, and do things that make us happy.  tell the ones you care about, you love them unconditionally.  be kind.

Not your normal day

cell phone vibrates @ 657am “Trash Day”

I roll over and think, “Bitch, she got me first today”  It was time to get up anyway.

Every Wednesday Becca and I have a “thing” we both have trash day on the same.  So we try to text message each other before the other to remind.  Depends. Sometimes I win sometimes she wins.  She got me today.

I do the same thing every morning it seems.  I get up.  Wake the kiddos. throw clothes at all of them.  When i am satisfied they are awake enough, i tell them all they need to be up and dressed before i get out of the shower.  Raymond is usually in bed by this point asking what the weather is and if he missed the TODAY Show morning news.  I know kinda geeky but we both like to watch what the weather is to plan for the day.    Out of the shower and most times the twins are in my bed and Jordan is still in his bed under the covers, but completely dressed.  Today was no different.

Today I knew my dad was not coming so i could not drag my feet.  Had to keep going.  Make sure everyone was moving.  Bags were packed the night before with all the library books and homework.  Sometimes it is like herding kittens to come to breakfast.

When summer comes and camp is in full swing it is not uncommon to get phone calls at the house between 7am until I leave. Who from you might ask?  Well lets see, work, or Becca.  Becca works with another sailing program and honestly before work is the best time to catch us because when the day is over we are dog ass tired.

But in the school months when my dad is coming in the morning my mom will call to warn me that my dad is A) sick.  B) Grumpy C) running late or D) not coming.

The phone rang at 801a.  Wondered if i would even answer it.  School day. Dad was not coming, Doctors appt. who could it be….Becca.  I paused a moment and thought to myself…kids dressed…kids breakfast is in toaster…okay talk with Becca, probably was calling to tell me she won the “trash text game”.

“hello”

“hallie….pause…Did you see the news this morning”

“yeah”

pause….”hallie, Page was killed in that motorcycle accident last night”  “she is dead”

“WHAT?”

Page was not only a co worker of Becca’s but she was a friend.  I knew her through Becca but not as well as she did.  She was only 26.  She called for a ride home.  Took a ride with someone else and was killed instantly on a motorcycle ride home.  That sucks.

It was not your normal day.

out for a hike

Okay so went out with the boys and Jordan found a note…

Dear God,

Bring my Grandfather back to earth.

Love Lucy

Please.  Please.

Dear Lucy,

I know it is tough I wish my Grandfather could come back to earth too.  I am sure your Grandfather is watching over you now.  I will think of you.

Love Hallie