NO MORE LONELY. Take your friend depression and go!

Dear Lonely

It seems as if you have touched yet another two victims, my friends.  Lonely…. you and your friend depression, well you two go hand in hand sometimes and well….you hurt!  I do not know if it is more lonely or depression that your icy hand comes into ones soul and rips out hope.  This icy grip has grabbed another soul to tightly i am afraid.   I know we have had good times and bad.  For what ever reason your grip has not been so tight on me.  I appreciate that.

Sure I still do not like the feeling of going to bed at night .  I still have to leave the tv on because sometimes i am scared to be alone. Lonely hurts and then depressions comes in for the kill. Or how about waking in the middle of the night and no one is there to protect me from the monsters under the bed…lonely hurts…… Sure I go home and have three over joyed children to see me and tell me about their day, but have no adult to listen to my day or even care that my day may have sucked.  I do know , Lonely you are your friend depression, are waiting for me for the holidays.  This year will be different, because i have found a new friend, Hope and her friend Motivation.

You have taken so much from me that I have come to believe there are no good guys out there that would accept me as i am, a mother with control issues, a little bit of OCD and the need to be loved.  The longer your icy grip has held, i am not sure if it is that i have just become numb to the feeling or i am accepting it.  Please let me thaw out….i do not want to be this way…..please please release your grip.

Release your grip not only on me but leave my friends out of it.  Please let my friends go, she wants to get up and have a better life.  I think depression has come in for the kill.  She does not want to do any of the fun things in life, hell, she does not even want to go to the gym….and that was her happy place.  Let her go!  I have other friends, and i have to believe, Hope and Motivation will be with them soon.

Some things you cannot take away though.  and those are my friends.  Yes, I have friends now, everyone is in a different place in life, some are married, some are single, some are divorced, some are dating.  Not one of them can relate to my lonely, but each of them can understand a little of what it is like.  I think you have found your way into some of their hearts…but i am here to tell you NO MORE LONELY.  Take your friend depression and go!  I am done with you.  So to quote Dr. Seuss:

“I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind.
Some come from ahead and some come from behind.
But I’ve bought a big bat. I’m all ready you see.
Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!”
~ Dr. Seuss

Be gone, Hope and Motivation are here to stay!!

Lovingly,

Working Hard over here with out you!

Food Friday: Apple avocado Salad with Tangerine dressing

So I have to tell you I have been concentrating on eating better and exercising.  I see a wonderful health counselor.  I feel as though she understands me and is helping me to make life changes.  Not necessarily a “diet” but a healthier lifestyle.  She is awesome!

As i said i see a personal trainer! I LOVE him.  I think I would have given up going to the gym with out him.  Funny story, when i first went, i said to him, “Look, I know I am a princess, I tell people what to do, I am the boss at work and as much as I do not like to admit it, I like it. So I am not sure how this is ever going to work”  Well the first couple of sessions, I was very unsure of what we were doing.  And he finally said to me, ” I do not take no for an answer” UGH.  But you know what?  He is awesome!  He keeps me in line, encourages me to continue, shows me that I am stronger than i think, he believes in me as well.  When we first met, he told me he thinks i should be working out “cardio” 6 days a week! Holy shit, i believed he was on crack.  I was going from NO EXERCISE to 6 days a week? Are you kidding me?  Well I am up to four days a week minimum now.  I hate to admit it, but I kinda like going.  It is time for me, and only me.  I feel as though i have more energy! I love that!  Plus I have lost 15lbs! PHEW! who knew!??

Well I figured I would share an awesome recipe that i found and changed to be more what i like! Try it and let me know what you think! This is awesome!!

Apple Avocado Salad with Tangerine Dressing

• 1 (10 ounce) package baby greens
• 1/2 cup chopped pecans
• 1/3 cup crumbled blue cheese
• 2 teaspoons lemon zest
• 1 apple – peeled, cored and sliced
• 1 avocado – peeled, pitted and diced
• 4 mandarin oranges, juiced
• 1/2 lemon, juiced
• 1/2 teaspoon lemon zest
• 1 clove garlic, minced
• 2 tablespoons olive oil
• salt to taste

DIRECTIONS

1. In a large bowl, toss together the baby greens, red onion, walnuts, blue cheese, and lemon zest. Mix in the apple and avocado just before serving.
2. In a container with a lid, mix the mandarin orange juice, lemon juice, lemon zest, garlic, olive oil, and salt. Drizzle over the salad as desired.

Well enjoy the 4th!  Big plans! Parties to go to!  Good times!  I promise to post pictures of my brother on the billboard!

“Do you have a squeegee to help push the water out?”

Yesterday was like no other day i have had.  what happened? the day starts with the alarm going off at 6am….ugh drag my butt out of bed.  check weather report, it says rain rain rain, thunderstorms, and more rain.  But really? no rain, nothing on radar…hummm, okay well kids up, off to orthodontist, OMG twins are going to need to have impressions and xrays, to the tune of $250 each. ouch! this is not going to be fun! I hate the dentist…..anyway off to camp.  It is like prying barnacles off the bottom of a boat to get them out of the van.

Kids reluctantly go off to camp and that mother’s guilt kicks in. OMG what a horrible parent i am for forcing my kids to go to camp. I question why i had not found a way to find something they would have liked to do….like sailing. the heart strings were pulled, still a little tired, a little overwhelmed by the fact i am going to have to pay $500 for the dentist to tell me the twins will need braces! but  I trudge off to camp. A bit frustrated and in need of a friendly face! Thank god for Amanda, that is all i have to say….

They have a plan, sailing! OMG have they seen the weather report? Did they read what NOAA had to say? SEVERE WEATHER.  Okay, well go for it, not sure they would have listened to me even if i said no.

I left for the gym, and let me tell you I really like going to see a personal trainer! He is awesome, he does not take my crap.  It is good.  I will have to write more about that later…anyway, leave gym and buckets of rain are coming down. HOLY SHIT.  Get to seaport, the water level is so high, not a dry bone in the place.  Lunch goes on, and i explain they need a rainy day plan for all the kids.  Lunch was so loud. I was still grumpy. I get a voice mail from someone on the seaport grounds explaining, no one is answering her calls.  Did I have anyone that could help or did i have a squeegee to help push the water out of her room.

HMMMMM, feeling like i needed to go investigate as she was not answering her phone.  I took a couple of sailing assistants, walked through water that was up my thighs to cross the “road”.  I was so wet already it really did not matter.  Found out there was a leak in the classroom.  So we walked over with a driveway broom and a mop. How bad could it be?

IT WAS BAD!! Water was hemraging out of this building.  It was pouring out and there was SO MUCH WATER!  I have never ever seen so much water. The facilities people were so unorganized. They had no direction, and i do not do well with that. I felt the need to do SOMETHING and a squeegee was NOT GOING TO DO A THING!! The water was not only coming through the wall but it was coming in through the door!  I had Sailing Assistants that wanted to help and did! They did what ever i said and we rocked!  After the water slowed down and sandbags were put down. We picked up everything that was on the floor.  and felt the clean up was now their problem I knew i had boats sinking.

Walk back after feeling as though the a dam was broken into one of our buildings to find my awesome staff hauling all 42 dyers out of the water, first capsizing it as it had so much water in it no one would have been able to lift them.  We helped with the last few. Bailed out the launches that were sinking.

I then noticed there were marks left out on the water….i figured lets go get them. Yup, hopped into the bailed out launch, pull out and get across the channel to find the gas tanks were taken out because they were weighing down the boats during the storm. OMG, Evan came out to us with a tank and hose. But it was the WRONG HOSE.  Got a tow in.  Started to take all the sails off the dyers.

Washed 42 Dyer sails. Completely whipped just like everyone else!  I was proud of the staff.  They all did a wonderful job but next time when NOAA says SEVERE WEATHER, no sailing please.

Yup just another day on the job!

Feeling a little tense!

Kinda how i feel right now…I am trying to work on more positive ways of dealing with these internal and external stress.  I think my expectations of myself and my world are to high sometimes? I do not know.  I really think i need to refocus and start from within.  I am working on it!

SHHHH!! Mommy is still sleeping!

this time around, the time change is kicking my butt.  I just cannot seem to wake up in the morning….I am whipped.  I hit the snooze so many times.  Thank god Jordan has his own alarm clock.

This morning, Jordan apparently hit his snooze, well i think he turned it off.  He went back to sleep as did I.  Raymond, master of getting enough sleep, was in bed snuggled up to me  this morning watching the TODAY show and turning off my alarm clock.

Before I knew it, my little protector, Raymond, says, “SHHHHH, Mommys sleeping” to Jordan who was standing at the other side of the bed in his boxers.  Telling Raymond, he needed a pair of pants!  Poor kid!  It was 730am and he and I usually get up at 640am to get showered and dressed.

I jumped out of bed, in the nick of time, he ate, and my dad came to take him to school while i showered! All within 15min.  I was ready to do the sniff test if i had too!  I will sink that low, but luckily i still had a clean basket in the basement clean!  PHEW!  RUSH RUSH RUSH!

Please do not rain tomorrow!

Wow so it has been a whirlwind of a couple of days!  Skiing one day and then skiing the next!  Who does that? Oh right, ME!!

We went on a family trip to NH this weekend! Wow I skiied with the boys! They are great!  I went to an auction with my brother, we won the painting we were bidding on, but somehow my dad ended up with it!

Monday was the first day we got on the water with the high school kids!  It was nice to be out there even if it was raining/sleeting/snowing!  Not many people can say they do that!

Well I am beat!  Still fighting this cold here, or maybe it is just stress on my body?  who knows but tomorrow we have practice. It is a happy place for me, now if only i could bottle that feeling?! I would be rich!  Pray there will be no RAIN/SLEET during practice!

I will leave you will a few pictures:  ENJOY!!

Nathaniel on the lift!

Jordan on the lift! Rock star!

Raymond on the lift telling me how to ski!

Raymond sleeping with Simon!!  AWW LOVE!!

NOW SAILING!!! TWO DAYS LATER…..SNOW THEN OCEAN!!!! YIPPEEE sailing season has started!!

Sailing team getting ready!  Yes it was snow/sleeting/raining!  LOVE IT

I just love this picture!

Snow again? March in like a lion out like a lamb! phew!

Snow snow snow! Excuse me it is MARCH do we really need this much snow? I had already put the shovels on the hooks in the garage, winter was over and sailing season starts, well today actually was our first practice, CANCELED!

Well I went outside to start shoveling with my broken shovel. I could see the neighbor snow blowing thinking I need one of those….my dad drives up to drop off a few things the kids left at their house and he even said, looks like you need one of those!

Dad leaves, neighbor says, hey you want to use the snow blower? AWWWWW yeah! He told me he would do it for me if he had time, he was shoveling out to go to work. He gave me the breakdown on how to use the machine….and in a matter of minutes i was covered in snow and the driveway was clear!!

Thanks Neighbor!!

Shhhh….it’s my kids school calling my cell

So Friday, I limped into work, so that paychecks could be given out, I could get a jump on time cards, i would have passed them in if i had gotten them all!! BUT most importantly it was “Thai Friday”!  I love Thai friday!  I have two dishes I like there depending on my mood will depend on which one i get. Another story another day….

well we were eating lunch and my cell phone rings.  Now, the cell phone is personal, and only friends have this number, because of caller ID some people rank higher than others.  But seeing that I am a single parent I feel i need one and I do not wear a watch so it works outs for me.

Kids schools rank pretty high.  well I will walk out of a meeting to answer it or stop my world.  As they have my world at school and I will do anything for these little ones!

Phone rings, and it is Jordans school.  Oh great, he is now sick….I answer and it is a cheerful teacher on the phone.  First words out of her mouth were, “Jordan’s okay”  phew… she then goes on to tell me there was an altercation at school.  She goes on to tell me that Jordan was fooling around in the front of the line and was sent to the back of the line with a couple of kids.  Well something happened at the back of line. One of the boys was upset and “shoved jordan into the wall a couple of times” OMG….she quickly said she sent him to the nurses office to be checked out and put some ice on his back and there were no bumps or marks! Holy Shit!

I asked what Jordan did in response to it, she said, nothing.  He walked away.  It was not until another child came to her did she know the whole story.  Shocked, and of course the mother instinact in me was I would have shoved back so hard I would have knocked out teeth….(oh right i have a little pent up anger, Shocking)  His teacher was very proud of Jordan and how he handled himself.  And so was I.

Someone at the lunch table asked, in so many words…..what 6th grader do we need to rough up.  Haha…my thoughts too!

I asked Jordan what happened and what did he do.  He went on to tell me the same story his teacher told me.  He said, “Mommy, my friends egged me on to push him back or hit him, but I didn’t ’cause I would have gotten into trouble too.”  He was not about to hit another person!  I am proud of him, he is the most out going, happy kid, moody as most preteens are….but he was the bigger person today, i think he was a bigger person than i would have been.

He is a great kid!   I just hope he is not to much of a wuss!

What a small world it is!

Everyone can have crazy days!  I went from back to back meetings today, introducing a tour to a school group, to picking up a cake at McQuades, to seeing my grandmother eating lunch at McQuades, which was random. Going to talk to a group of people who want to know more about the sailing programs I do. Oh yeah and coming home to children! OMG!  No one told me this when i signed up i would be this busy!!

Well of course i am always willing to talk with anyone that will listen to me about my sailing programs.  How passionate I am about them and so on…Well i really was walking into that meeting blind. Alls i knew was, some guy started a program for underprivlaged kids, to get them on the water.  They had a captain and they had a donated boat they used.  They wanted to know if there was any way we could work together to promote their program.  Well i was unsure how i could help, but i was willing to sit down with them and chat!

I walked into a room of five people.  This gentleman stood up, introduced himself and i took pause.  I KNEW HIM.  how?  Now i have been to conferences, i have been to clubs, I have meet a lot of people along my travels. I am sure i will meet more….but this man stood out.  I knew him!  and when i said something to the effect, he aggreed.  He knew me….hummmm but how?

Well we started talking about my programs adn some of the things i have accomplished and so on.  Then it hit me!! Like a ton of bricks!!!  HE WAS MY SAILING COACH IN COLLEGE! OMG!  I asked if he coached at my college…YUP!! Sure enough he knew me!  He asked about the guy i sailed with, YUP! I still was in touch with him! OMG it was great to see him and to show him how far i had gone! I explained to him he was my only coach I had and now I had my own team!! I was proud of myself and how far I have come.  I have gone all the channels of US Sailing to get my certifacations for small boat sailing, racing coach and being an instructor for powerboating!    It made me feel good.

I always felt like after leaving college i had to prove myself.  Never feeling as though I ever was taken seriously in college, for my work or sailing.  I sailed for a team and felt I knew more than my coach as i race competively as a teenager.  Always proving myself.  After my advisor told me that I would never make it in the education field and I should reconsider my choices in life. She told me I was to quiet, not assertive enough, and needed to think on my own.  I was crushed.  I still graduated with high honors from college, yet i still feel as though i am proving myself.  I have come a long way!!!  Although still trying to prove i am good enough.  Still trying to prove I can do it.  I do not know some days.

Today I proved to my old drunk sailing coach, I have done well in the sailing and education field!    I feel like i am growing up!

One Word from Facebook

USING ONLY ONE WORD! It’s not as easy as you might think! Copy and change the answers to suit you and pass it on. It’s really hard to only use one word answers.

1. Where is your cell phone? Pocket
2. Your significant other? missing
3. Your hair? short
4. Your mother? tough
5. Your father? compassionate
6. Your favorite?? cannoli
7. Your dream last night? brains
8. Your favorite drink? ice tea
9. Your dream/goal? peace
10. What room you are in? living
11. Your hobby? sailing
12. Your fear? success
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? sailing
14. Where were you last night? home
15. Something that you aren’t? tall
16. Muffins? homemade
17. Wish list item? boat
18. Where you grew up? rhode island
19. Last thing you did? read
20. What are you wearing? jeans
21. Your TV? off
22. Your pets? Gnone
23. Friends? love
24. Your life? crazy
25. Your mood? overwhelmed
26. Missing someone? always
27. Car? quest
28. Something you’re not wearing? shoes
29. Your favorite store? LLBean
30. Your favorite color? blue
33. When is the last time you laughed? today
34. Last time you cried? today
35. Who will resend this? undetermined
36. One place that I go to over and over? work