NO MORE LONELY. Take your friend depression and go!

Dear Lonely

It seems as if you have touched yet another two victims, my friends.  Lonely…. you and your friend depression, well you two go hand in hand sometimes and well….you hurt!  I do not know if it is more lonely or depression that your icy hand comes into ones soul and rips out hope.  This icy grip has grabbed another soul to tightly i am afraid.   I know we have had good times and bad.  For what ever reason your grip has not been so tight on me.  I appreciate that.

Sure I still do not like the feeling of going to bed at night .  I still have to leave the tv on because sometimes i am scared to be alone. Lonely hurts and then depressions comes in for the kill. Or how about waking in the middle of the night and no one is there to protect me from the monsters under the bed…lonely hurts…… Sure I go home and have three over joyed children to see me and tell me about their day, but have no adult to listen to my day or even care that my day may have sucked.  I do know , Lonely you are your friend depression, are waiting for me for the holidays.  This year will be different, because i have found a new friend, Hope and her friend Motivation.

You have taken so much from me that I have come to believe there are no good guys out there that would accept me as i am, a mother with control issues, a little bit of OCD and the need to be loved.  The longer your icy grip has held, i am not sure if it is that i have just become numb to the feeling or i am accepting it.  Please let me thaw out….i do not want to be this way…..please please release your grip.

Release your grip not only on me but leave my friends out of it.  Please let my friends go, she wants to get up and have a better life.  I think depression has come in for the kill.  She does not want to do any of the fun things in life, hell, she does not even want to go to the gym….and that was her happy place.  Let her go!  I have other friends, and i have to believe, Hope and Motivation will be with them soon.

Some things you cannot take away though.  and those are my friends.  Yes, I have friends now, everyone is in a different place in life, some are married, some are single, some are divorced, some are dating.  Not one of them can relate to my lonely, but each of them can understand a little of what it is like.  I think you have found your way into some of their hearts…but i am here to tell you NO MORE LONELY.  Take your friend depression and go!  I am done with you.  So to quote Dr. Seuss:

“I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind.
Some come from ahead and some come from behind.
But I’ve bought a big bat. I’m all ready you see.
Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!”
~ Dr. Seuss

Be gone, Hope and Motivation are here to stay!!

Lovingly,

Working Hard over here with out you!

meme

Wow it has been a while. Kinda avoiding the computer.. but here i am and Ihave been taggedina meme by Carrie!!  So here goes..

1. Do you like bleu cheese? meh it is okay in dressings

2. Have you ever smoked? Nope – allergic.

3. Do you own a gun? No way, i might hurt someone

4. What flavor Kool Aid was your favorite? Was not allowed kool aid….not a fan

5. Hot Chocolate – with or without marshmallows? With marshmallows, i like to eat the hard ones waiting for the water to boil

6. What do you think of hot dogs? GROSS

7. Favorite Christmas movie? national lampoons

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? what ever is going to get me through the day

9. Can you do push ups? depends how many do i have to do? if you were a sailor of mine you would have to give me 5 pushups for every swear

10. What’s your favorite piece of jewelry? my 7 diamond ring…

11. Favorite hobby? i love to draw…

12. Do you have A. D. D.? you mean shinny object sydndrome? nah

13. Do you wear glasses/contacts? Glasses, i am already legally blind!

14. Middle name? elizabeth

15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment:
my laundry is not done

i am cold

i have to pee

16. Name 3 drinks you regularly have: Water, ice tea, water

17. Current worry? I worry about a lot, work- am i going to loose my job? home – how much therapy are my kids going to need after me raising them? am i going to die alone?

18. Current hate right now? Hate is such a strong overused word.  there are so few things i hate…

19. Favorite place to be? on the water

20. How did you bring in the new year? With my friend Wayne at foxwoods! it was a great time!

21. Where would you like to go? anywhere, but it is not going away, it is knowing that i do not have to wrry about my boys while i am away, then i will go away

22. Name three people who will complete this: Not sure, YOU! who ever you are reading this!

23. Do you own slippers? YES!! Temperapedic cushion ones from brookstone

24. What color shirt are you wearing? black

25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? NOPE but give me high thread count fresh off the clothes line…feather bed…comforter!

26. Can you whistle? kinda, but i have an orange whitsle for practice

27. Where are you now? home

28. Would you be a pirate? Pirate? nah, rule number one, do not draw attention to yourself

29. What songs do you sing in the shower? OOOHHH no singing! i cannot remember words.  i listen to music in the shower

30. Favorite Girl’s Name? Abby, or Olivia

31. Favorite boy’s name? Raymond, nathaniel jordan

32. What is in your pocket right now? no pockets in yoga pants

33. Last thing that made you laugh? raymond

34. What vehicle do you drive? 2005 quest…LOVE IT

35. Worst injury you’ve ever had? i will agree with carrie on this, broken heart…i still have one

36. Do you love where you live? not really, but i am happy

37. How many TVs do you have in your house? 2

 

So there you have it… 37 (more) things about me.

Feel free to tell me these 37 things about you.  I love to know who you are.  People are fascinating (if they’re not frustrating, annoying, mean, … you get the idea.)

Shhhh….it’s my kids school calling my cell

So Friday, I limped into work, so that paychecks could be given out, I could get a jump on time cards, i would have passed them in if i had gotten them all!! BUT most importantly it was “Thai Friday”!  I love Thai friday!  I have two dishes I like there depending on my mood will depend on which one i get. Another story another day….

well we were eating lunch and my cell phone rings.  Now, the cell phone is personal, and only friends have this number, because of caller ID some people rank higher than others.  But seeing that I am a single parent I feel i need one and I do not wear a watch so it works outs for me.

Kids schools rank pretty high.  well I will walk out of a meeting to answer it or stop my world.  As they have my world at school and I will do anything for these little ones!

Phone rings, and it is Jordans school.  Oh great, he is now sick….I answer and it is a cheerful teacher on the phone.  First words out of her mouth were, “Jordan’s okay”  phew… she then goes on to tell me there was an altercation at school.  She goes on to tell me that Jordan was fooling around in the front of the line and was sent to the back of the line with a couple of kids.  Well something happened at the back of line. One of the boys was upset and “shoved jordan into the wall a couple of times” OMG….she quickly said she sent him to the nurses office to be checked out and put some ice on his back and there were no bumps or marks! Holy Shit!

I asked what Jordan did in response to it, she said, nothing.  He walked away.  It was not until another child came to her did she know the whole story.  Shocked, and of course the mother instinact in me was I would have shoved back so hard I would have knocked out teeth….(oh right i have a little pent up anger, Shocking)  His teacher was very proud of Jordan and how he handled himself.  And so was I.

Someone at the lunch table asked, in so many words…..what 6th grader do we need to rough up.  Haha…my thoughts too!

I asked Jordan what happened and what did he do.  He went on to tell me the same story his teacher told me.  He said, “Mommy, my friends egged me on to push him back or hit him, but I didn’t ’cause I would have gotten into trouble too.”  He was not about to hit another person!  I am proud of him, he is the most out going, happy kid, moody as most preteens are….but he was the bigger person today, i think he was a bigger person than i would have been.

He is a great kid!   I just hope he is not to much of a wuss!

quick meme… a few things I’ve done in my lifetime.

quick meme… things I’ve done in my lifetime.  I go this over at Carrie’s! Thanks!!

Phew, i was a little worried.  Still am a bit, i feel i should have more “X”’s oh well, I guess i will have to do more things!!!

so here is how it goes…..

• Place an X by all the things you’ve done.
• If you’re copy and pasting, don’t forget to remove the X from the ones you have not done.
• Tell me you’ve posted this on your blog or Facebook notes page.
• to change it up a little, stick one more in, random to YOU and put an X by it and lets see how many other people have done that too.
  

( ) Gone on a blind date
(X) Skipped school
() Watched someone die
(X) Been to Canada
( ) Been to Mexico
(X) Been to Florida
() Been to Hawaii
(X) Been on a plane
( ) Been on a helicopter
(X) Been lost
(X) Gone to Washington, DC
(X) Swam in the ocean
(X) Cried yourself to sleep
(X) Played cops and robbers
(X) Recently colored with crayons
( X) Sang Karaoke
( ) Gone to the Symphony
(X) Seen a Broadway play
( X ) Paid for a meal with coins only
( ) Been to the top of the Gateway Arch in St. Louis
(X) Done something you told yourself you wouldn’t.
( X ) Made prank phone calls
() Been down Bourbon Street in New Orleans
() Caught beads in a Mardi Gras Parade
() Flashed for Mardi Gras beads
(X) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose & elsewhere
(X) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
( ) Danced in the rain-naked
(X) Skinny-dipped
(X) Been to a nude beach
(X) Sunbathed completely naked
(X) Written a letter to Santa Claus
(X) Been kissed under the mistletoe
(X) Watched the sunrise with someone
(X) Blown bubbles
() Gone ice-skating
(X) Gone to the movies
(X) Been deep sea fishing
( ) Driven across the United States
( ) Been in a hot air balloon
( ) Been sky diving
( X ) Gone snowmobiling
( ) Been bungee jumping
( X ) Lived in more than one country
(X) Lay down outside at night and admired the stars while listening to the crickets
(X) Seen a falling star and made a wish
( ) Enjoyed the beauty of Old Faithful Geyser
() Seen the Statue of Liberty
( ) Gone to the top of the Seattle Space Needle
(X) Been on a cruise
(X) Traveled by train
( X ) Traveled by motorcycle
() Been horse back riding
(X) Ridden on a San Francisco CABLE CAR
(X) Been to Disney World
() Been in a rain forest
(X) Seen whales in the ocean
() Been white-water rafting
() Been to Niagara Falls
( ) Ridden on an elephant
() Swam with dolphins
( ) Been to the Olympics
( ) Walked on the Great Wall of China
( ) Been to the North American continental divide
( ) Saw and heard a glacier calf
( x ) Been spinnaker flying
( x ) Been water-skiing
(X) Been snow-skiing
( ) Been to Westminster Abbey
( ) Been to the Louvre
( ) Been to the Sistine Chapel
( ) Swam in the Mediterranean
( ) Seen the Egyptian pyramids
() Been to a Major League Baseball game
() Were in the stands at an MLB “No-Hitter”
() Been to a National Football League game
( ) Been to the Superbowl
( ) Been to a National Hockey League game
( ) Touched the Stanley Cup
() Been to a National Basketball Association game
( ) Been to an NBA Finals game
( ) Been to a NASCAR event
( ) Been on television
(X) Stayed in a hotel by yourself
(X) Had your name in the newspaper
( x ) Have gone to a restaurant and eaten by yourself
( x) Have gone to the movies by yourself
(X) Kissed someone IN another country
( ) Know another language, besides English, fluently
( ) Have had cosmetic surgery
( ) Been in the live studio audience of a television program
( x ) Been mountain-climbing
( ) Have run a marathon (not an official marathon, but have run the distance!!
(X) Been married
( x ) Had children
(X) Been divorced
(X) Had your heart broken
() Owned a convertible
() Built a house from the ground up
() Have been to a vineyard/winery
(X) Have made a wish you still hope will come true
(X) Started a blog
(X) Posted a comment on a blog (other than your own)
(X) Been part of Facebook, MySpace, LinkedIn, or another social network

(X) Lived in San Francisco

25 things tag from facebook

Advertise

Ok for those of you on facebook you will know that this silly little meme of 25 things is going around.   So why waste it just on facebook??  You can enjoy it too….

Now if you want to play, consider yourself tagged.  Just leave a comment letting me know you did this so i can read your 25 things!!

Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it’s because I want to know more about you.

ALRIGHT ALREADY! I lost count how many times i was tagging in this note thing….I have given in…here goes..

1. This is my first note, I had no idea where it was and had to follow the directions.
2. I have three boys, one adopted and biological twins.
3. They all love the water and sailing.
4. I sometimes sleep with the TV on
5. I am addicted to facebook and email just like everyone else reading this.
6. I have not worn a watch in over 20 years, except for the watch on my lifejacket when i was racing.
7. High school sailing team practice starts in four weeks
8. I have worn toe rings for 20 years, I NEVER take then off
9. I love to wear sandals if i HAVE to wear shoes.
10. I get to throw harpoons at work, sail boats, drive power boats, move historic boats…hum could it be better? (dont answer that)
11. I love my new glass ring
12. My name means “pertaining to the water” like my parents knew
13. I sailed on a 12 meter and LOVED LOVED IT. Going back to Newport at the end of the summer again
14. I sailed on a WH15 wednesday nights and enjoyed the company
15. My grandfather was very important to me. I miss him. I wonder what he would think of me now?
16. I suffer from a broken heart. Even my energist said so.
17. I worry about my best friend
18. I wonder who worries about me
19. I bought a new washer today
20. I do not eat beef and have not in over 20 years
21. I own two lifejackets, one red front zipper and one yellow side zipper. Depends on my mood on which one to wear.
22. My dream is to sell all my things and buy a boat. Live life free on the water
23. I love music. Pandora.com is my favorite website
24. I have a secret. no one knows.
25. Having children is not what i expected.

Might be time to drive the kids to school

Alright, I have a few pictures to post, and I will. Maybe even later today…who knows.   But I had to tell you about this…

So this morning, I do not have to go to the office, they have closed on Mondays to save on expenses, one less day they ahve to pay for heat.  I get it, but they still want to same amount of work done.  I will admit i have gone into work to get stuff done.  Honestly somethings i just cannot do from home.

I really did not want to go into work today, so i decided that instead of taking a shower before i went to the gym with chelle I wold jump into work out clothes and off i go.  Well my hair is a mess so i drive the kids down to the bus stop, hoping that i can get away with NOT getting out of the car.

I did not have to get out of the car, the Crazy Cop, jumped out of his truck to come talk to me.  Oh how dreadful.

I roll down the window and he says to me, “We are going to have a new bus driver!”

I responded with the usual, “What? Why? What happened?”

Like a school girl gossiping in the school yard, he says, “She was arrested!! Four DUI this weekend!”

“What? are you kidding me?”, and like the disbelieving school girl listening to the gossip, “How do you know this? Did you arrest her?”

Very proud, puffing out his chest, “I was there when they were processing her!!” Giddy, he said, yeah she said the only way she will be able to put food on the table for her kids was to go back to her old job, STRIPPING in a New London Bar”

OMG this person was driving my children around?  The first bus driver was fired because she was text messaging while driving!  How do they screen these people?  Can anyone drive a bus? OUTRAGEOUS!

Pick Me Pick Me!! Ask what ever you want!

My mom would always say to me, if your friends jumped off a bridge would you?  I always loved saying, “Yup and I already did!” I jumped off a covered bridge in New Hampshire going to college.

I think Sara started it, then Elizabeth,  Erin, Carrie and even Mike, were interviewed.  So how does it work?  Your friend is interviewed, asked five questions, and they answer them.  They can be anything.  Then you read them and if you want to be interviewed you ask in the comments to be interviewed by that person.

I was talking with Carrie today and was saying i did not know what to blog about. I just did not want to blog about lifes woes…so Carrie said she would interview me!!  Yeah! Sara said she would interview me as well, so i am so excited, two posts topics done!! So here is Carrie’s questions, good ones which has needed some thought!

So if YOU want to be interviewed! Leave a message and i will send you some questions!!

1.  If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be?  Why?

Procrastination!  Man I hate it. I know sometimes i work better under pressure, and everything gets done.  I think it can be a vicious cycle…I think because sometimes I am not happy I procrastinate therefore nothing gets done.  My house is a  mess, laundry is not done and it makes me even more unhappy.  Oh I need to break the cycle….(and and by the way, this is the last question i answer ’cause i was procrastinating on answering, truth!)

2.  What is the most important lesson you want your children to learn from you?

This is a hard question.  So many things i want my boys to learn….. but i think the most important would be to love unconditionally.  I want them to learn not only to love others but themselves unconditionally.  I think it is important to teach this in the world we live in because so many children are so selfish and egocentric (and plugged in)  Always want something in return, will not do anything without a reward or praise.  Why not do it for the love of the family.  so many people love with condition and i just think my children should love without.  I know it is not easy to do, I try all the time to love unconditionally.

3.   If Heaven exists, when you get to the pearly gates what do you want God to say to you?

Well if there is a God and I were to arrive at the Pearly gates what would i want him to say….hopefully i will be, sweating, dirty and smiling  sliding into heaven screaming “holy shit what a ride”  Hopefully he will be waving his arms screaming “SAFE!” “Phew I did not think you would make it”

4.    What is your greatest fear for your life? (Personally, not something related to the boys)

I think my biggest fear in my own life is failure.  I fear failing. I want to do what is right. I understand perfection is an illusion but I want it.  I feel when i was younger i was unable to read. I had a 3rd grade reading level in the 9th grade, I skated through but was always put down for all those failures of not being able to read. That has effected me as an adult as I want to succeed, I do not want to disappoint anyone.

5.    If you could have any job in the world (other than something sailing/boating related), what would it be? and why?

Wow any job in the world! This one has to be the easiest question out of all of them.  Not sailing or boating is tough but I would want to be a photographer for National Geograpic Mag. I love all their pictures and the chance to travel the world.  To be able to capture a moment in time to share with the world.  That would be awesome.

Say what?

So today was a stay at home day, SNOW DAY!!  well my kids think it is cool because they can watch TV but little did they know that only baby TV is on.  So TV off and they played.  I puttered around the house…kinda bored…like the kid left out….no big deal i tried to catch up on some of my DVR.

After lunch, we suited up to shovel the driveway.  I gave everyone instructions on get dressed and come outside.  Nathaniel was first…happy as a clam to help me shovel.  Than Jordan, not so inot shoveling.  Then Raymond, out he came, suited up, but he still had his pirate PJ pants on.  Shocked I asked him to go back in and get some pants on!!

He told me to, “Chillax mom”  …SAY WHAT??

where do these kids come up with these things? He is 8!! What will he be like when he is a teenager?

Happy Snow Day!!

Where’s Raymond?

Today was a bit crazy at work…more so than usual.  Having the director and another supervisor out of the office this week has been interesting.  When I have enough work of my own, covering for them has been a juggle.

Sadly I went to my friends father’s wake.  A friend I grew up with, a friend who i went to a prom with…. The only good thing i can say about that is…is that this man died doing what he loved most. After raising his only son and worked hard all his life,  he sold his house and property and lived on a boat in FL.

Deep breath…

So last night after i finished mopping the floor i did my nightly tuck in for the boys.  I went into Jordan’s room, yup he was asleep.  He sleeps with his chin on the pillow, i just never understood how he did not wake up with a neck ache.

Then into the twin’s room to tuck them in.   I walked in and was a bit surprised to see Raymond not on the bottom bunk.  There were no blankets or pillows.  My heart stopped for a second and then thought, he must be in my bed.  So I walked into my room, NO raymond….hummm small panic but wait he must have climbed into Nathaniel’s top bunk….

NOPE Nathaniel was asleep in his bed with his new winter jacket on.

I noticed the closet door ajar with the light.  I opened it up and there he was, asleep on the floor.

Here are a few pictures to see my random children!

When questioned this morning, Raymond said he wants his own room.  He wanted his own space so he made a bed in the closet.

I then asked Nathaniel about his jacket and he told me it was his favorite and he wanted to wear it all the time even to bed!!!.

Oh boy!  and to think this is only a snap shot of my world….. imagine it every day all day? I am sure your days are just as random as mine!  I do hope this does not win me “Bad mother of the year award”

Four things meme

Well I got tagged a bit ago from CuriousC. Here are my answers! Now if i did not tag you and you want to do the MEME well leave a message in the comments and i will be sure to come check it out!!  Have a good one!

4 places I go over and over:

(1)Work. over and over and over again, even when i have days off!
(2) Starbucks – yup the caffene habit is slowly making its way back!
(3) my mom and dad’s house.  Someone has to help watch these crazy boys!
(4) the water, any water, i love to look at the water!

4 people who e-mail me regularly:

(1) Kimmy
(2) sara
(3) junk mail
(4)new  job descriptions from different websites

4 of my favorite places to eat:

(1) Fugi Garden
(2) Mystic Soup Company
(3) WHYC in the summer
(4) Sandy’s Market

4 places you’d rather be NOW:

(1) On a boat somewhere warm
(2) Gernadine Islands
(3) Plopped on a couch watching a movie with friends
(4) asleep in bed

4 TV shows I could watch over and over:

(1) House
(2) Criminal Minds
(3) I survived…
(4) The Unit

4 movies I could watch over and over:

(1) Princess Bride
(2) Gladiator
(3) the wedding date
(4) willy wonka and the chocolate factory

4 people I hope will respond:

(1)   Dave
(2)  Beq
(3)  Mike
(4)  Jen