NO MORE LONELY. Take your friend depression and go!

Dear Lonely

It seems as if you have touched yet another two victims, my friends.  Lonely…. you and your friend depression, well you two go hand in hand sometimes and well….you hurt!  I do not know if it is more lonely or depression that your icy hand comes into ones soul and rips out hope.  This icy grip has grabbed another soul to tightly i am afraid.   I know we have had good times and bad.  For what ever reason your grip has not been so tight on me.  I appreciate that.

Sure I still do not like the feeling of going to bed at night .  I still have to leave the tv on because sometimes i am scared to be alone. Lonely hurts and then depressions comes in for the kill. Or how about waking in the middle of the night and no one is there to protect me from the monsters under the bed…lonely hurts…… Sure I go home and have three over joyed children to see me and tell me about their day, but have no adult to listen to my day or even care that my day may have sucked.  I do know , Lonely you are your friend depression, are waiting for me for the holidays.  This year will be different, because i have found a new friend, Hope and her friend Motivation.

You have taken so much from me that I have come to believe there are no good guys out there that would accept me as i am, a mother with control issues, a little bit of OCD and the need to be loved.  The longer your icy grip has held, i am not sure if it is that i have just become numb to the feeling or i am accepting it.  Please let me thaw out….i do not want to be this way…..please please release your grip.

Release your grip not only on me but leave my friends out of it.  Please let my friends go, she wants to get up and have a better life.  I think depression has come in for the kill.  She does not want to do any of the fun things in life, hell, she does not even want to go to the gym….and that was her happy place.  Let her go!  I have other friends, and i have to believe, Hope and Motivation will be with them soon.

Some things you cannot take away though.  and those are my friends.  Yes, I have friends now, everyone is in a different place in life, some are married, some are single, some are divorced, some are dating.  Not one of them can relate to my lonely, but each of them can understand a little of what it is like.  I think you have found your way into some of their hearts…but i am here to tell you NO MORE LONELY.  Take your friend depression and go!  I am done with you.  So to quote Dr. Seuss:

“I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind.
Some come from ahead and some come from behind.
But I’ve bought a big bat. I’m all ready you see.
Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!”
~ Dr. Seuss

Be gone, Hope and Motivation are here to stay!!

Lovingly,

Working Hard over here with out you!

No strolling for love here

Dear Pepe Le Pew,

I do believe you belong in Paris, strolling the streets searching for love but somehow I see that you have taken a liken to my breezeway.  I have seen you on TV and I understand you do not take “no” for an answer.  I know you are just searching for “love”.  Well let me tell you that my cat, Lily,  is not your type.  She is a sweet little kitty and has no interest in a skunk!  She is to young to be hanging out with an older wiser skunk as your self!

So if you would please take your smelly butt and find another breezeway to stroll looking for love.  You know the cops are on to you!  He was here tonight and threatened to get a gun and shoot you!!  So run now or i will be forced to call them back and trap you.  Now i do not wish that on anyone!

Please find love somewhere else friend!

Sweet Lily’s mom

A picture of Pepe La Pew just so you can if he comes to your breezeway!!

Superman is to Kryponite as I am to my “outlaws”

Ok ok I know i talked about this in my last post….. i talked about my “outlaws” but i have to tell you this subject brings me to my knees.  I do wish there was some sort of guide or rule book or hell someone else who has dealt with this kinda of stuff. Now i know there are others out there but it is not a subject that comes up often.

Well a little back story, I have sole custody of my boys and my ex is not allowed to have any contact with us and if he would like to he has to have testing done to prove he is not a threat to the children.  Now his parents have seen my boys a grand total of 5 times in their 10 years on this earth.  They were never nice to me, writing letters to me telling me what an awful person i was.  Then to have my “husband” at the time defend them and take their side.  Now he married me not his parents!  But whatever, the bottom line in it all, they KNEW he had a problem before he married me and started having children.

So i feel bad they do not know how wonderful my kids are.  They are growing up to be great kids, they are smart, funny, and beautiful.  I am not doing so bad and who would not want to brag about their wonderful kids?  And guess what, it has nothing to do with them  or their son have done for me or the boys.  I really feel it is a privilege to be a parent or a grandparent, it is not a right. The have not earned the right to be their grandparents.  They did not protect them before they came to the earth what makes me think they will protect them now?

I feel as though my boys do not need such negititivy in their lives, or such mean spirited people.  I have not allow contact with them.  I am sure with this age of computers i will not be able to keep it away for ever.  They sent me an email yesterday asking in not a very nice way to send them pictures of their grandsons.   I just do not know what to do? i want to do what is right and what is best for the boys…….but i have to wonder am i doing the right thing by not allowing contact? should i share pictures with them? should i share stories? will that lead them to want to see them? is it opening pandora’s box?  oh god this kills me.

A week goes by so fast!

Phew this week passed so quickly!  Gym, sailing through a squall, camp inspector coming to camp.  Then getting sick.  YUCK!!

Gym was good.  I am starting to notice clothes fit different, my dad noticed, he said why do you keep pulling up your pants? ’cause they are to big!!  how cool is that?  I have lost 16 lbs and inches of my body!  it is cool!  It is hard work as well!  I like the way it makes me feel. and i am feeling better.

Sailing through the squall, holy shit! tallen and i were getting ready for the start, i said to him, i am having a hard time seeing the start.  We were getting heavier wind and then as the starting gun goes off, the wind changes directions 180 degrees and picks up to 20 plus knots!  YIKES, four boats drop out and tallen and i pull ourselves together cross the start line a little late but finish the race.  It was heavy wind, we got banged around a little, but all in all we had a great time.

Friday i could tell i was getting sick but went to the gym anyway to see if i could sweat it out.  THat is after the camp inspector came.  We passed.  I came home and went straight to bed. Wayne called on his way home from practice, to see what was going on.  He offered help, it was so nice!  thanks!

They boys were tired they watch tv,i picked up some chinese food for them and i crawled back into bed until noon the next day.  phew!

Went shopping for Jordan’s big camp he is off to in a couple of weeks.  Picked up granny at the airport, hung with mom and dad then made my way home.

To put a damper on the weekend, the “outlaws” emailed me asking me to send pictures “of their grandsons”  I am torn. I do not know what to do about this….what the right thing to do…they were so mean to me.  I can count the times they have seen my boys on one hand.  but as a proud mother i want to share my boys and show the world what great kids they are! UGH i just do not know what to do…..I wish there was a rule book or guidelines to follow in this case… share your thoughts.

Happy 4th of July

Wow! Party, party, Race comittee and another party tomorrow!  OMG  Stop me now!

So yesterday after work i went to the gym, it felt good! then home for a quick shower and change to go to an annual beach party with reggae band, good food and great rum punch!  Then up early for the Breakfast on the beach! We always start off the summers with breakfast on the beach party.  WAHOO! that is early!  I cooked 9 dozen eggs to order and had a great time cooking next to my brother.  We had four grills on the beach going, bacon, eggs, sausage, pancakes, fruit and baked goodies.  Honestly i never saw the baked goodies i was to busy cooking eggs!

While at the party i hear they are taking APHRODITE out for Race Committee.  What you do not know this boat? OMG she is beautiful!Oh you want to get closer to the boat??

Oh my goodness! I have dreamed of getting on this boat!  Well today was the day! Today Out i went, happy as a calm and boy can she move!  She is beautiful in and out! and to learn of her and her who’s who guest list! Shirley Temple had a birthday party on her! OMG how cool!

Well it was a fun day watching the races, and I took lots of pictures!

Tomorrow ANOTHER party! Who knew such a party girl!?!

Happy 4th!  here are a few photos of the races!

Food Friday: Apple avocado Salad with Tangerine dressing

So I have to tell you I have been concentrating on eating better and exercising.  I see a wonderful health counselor.  I feel as though she understands me and is helping me to make life changes.  Not necessarily a “diet” but a healthier lifestyle.  She is awesome!

As i said i see a personal trainer! I LOVE him.  I think I would have given up going to the gym with out him.  Funny story, when i first went, i said to him, “Look, I know I am a princess, I tell people what to do, I am the boss at work and as much as I do not like to admit it, I like it. So I am not sure how this is ever going to work”  Well the first couple of sessions, I was very unsure of what we were doing.  And he finally said to me, ” I do not take no for an answer” UGH.  But you know what?  He is awesome!  He keeps me in line, encourages me to continue, shows me that I am stronger than i think, he believes in me as well.  When we first met, he told me he thinks i should be working out “cardio” 6 days a week! Holy shit, i believed he was on crack.  I was going from NO EXERCISE to 6 days a week? Are you kidding me?  Well I am up to four days a week minimum now.  I hate to admit it, but I kinda like going.  It is time for me, and only me.  I feel as though i have more energy! I love that!  Plus I have lost 15lbs! PHEW! who knew!??

Well I figured I would share an awesome recipe that i found and changed to be more what i like! Try it and let me know what you think! This is awesome!!

Apple Avocado Salad with Tangerine Dressing

• 1 (10 ounce) package baby greens
• 1/2 cup chopped pecans
• 1/3 cup crumbled blue cheese
• 2 teaspoons lemon zest
• 1 apple – peeled, cored and sliced
• 1 avocado – peeled, pitted and diced
• 4 mandarin oranges, juiced
• 1/2 lemon, juiced
• 1/2 teaspoon lemon zest
• 1 clove garlic, minced
• 2 tablespoons olive oil
• salt to taste

DIRECTIONS

1. In a large bowl, toss together the baby greens, red onion, walnuts, blue cheese, and lemon zest. Mix in the apple and avocado just before serving.
2. In a container with a lid, mix the mandarin orange juice, lemon juice, lemon zest, garlic, olive oil, and salt. Drizzle over the salad as desired.

Well enjoy the 4th!  Big plans! Parties to go to!  Good times!  I promise to post pictures of my brother on the billboard!

Past two days! if only all of them could be like this!!

Phew what a cool couple of days.  Okay so life has been rocky.  But the past two days have been pretty cool….

Friday i went to work.  Got work done! interviewed someone for the summer job…hoped on the bus to go to a match wtih the sailing team!!

Off to the middle of Rhode Island to sail two matches one day!  The first match, the kids had to sail boat they were not used to, and did not do as well. The score was 2-1 and they lost.    But then they switched boats, into 420s, and they were happy little clams! They raced their little hearts out and beat the other team, 3-0!!  Oh i am so proud of them and here is a pic of WINNING!!

So home i came on the bus,ugh, but it was not so bad, sat in the front and had a few good conversations with the kids. I was text messaging with a friend, saying KID FREE WEEKEND!! Out to dinner we went!  OMG it was great! Great food, I had the best martini, oatmeal cookie! YUMMMY i think i could have thrown back a few more but had to drive home!

Saturday Morning, i was dragging my butt out of bed as I just could not sleep!  UGH! but off to the seaport for a frostbite regatta!  I have wonderful staff that take care of itall.  all i had to do was show up!  I did! and what a wonderful day!  The weather man said rain, but there was NO RAIN and it was a gorgeous day, nice breeze and I got to ride around in the crash boat!  Carrie came down with the cutest dogs ever!!  here is a few perfect pictures of the day!

Then off to an awards party.  (I so HATE THOSE just way to close to people. )  Got a plaque for the sponsoring the regatta!  and a cocktail glass! YEAH!  Then rush home to change out of my salty clothes and out to dinner!  YEAH for such a great friend!  Good drink, good food, good friend!

I am tired and sunburn, i think i am going to bed! I have a house to clean tomorrow! then back to work!  But how can i complain when i get to be on the water???

Mind dumb

I have to say, my mind seems to be flooded with thoughts…i just cannot seem to keep one long enough to react.  So i thought i would just do a little mind dumb…. here goes

• We have our first sailing match today! very excited about that but not about riding the bus.
• Work is tough and that is all i am going to say
• i have new glasses! I dont love or hate them, they are just different
• i am having bad dreams again.  ugh
• i watch grey’s anatomoy last night, and wonder is there is such a thing as the love and relationships they portray?
• I think i need a hug, from someone who cares
• I cried yesterday
• my exhusband is not allow to talk to us or communicate with the kids.  so he had his “roommate” send them to me and signed his name.  jerk.
• parenting seems to be getting in the way of life.
• single parenting is tough, when i say i do not have time, no i really mean it, the only “free” time is when the kids are in school and i have to work…and they do not go to school long enough.
• kids get sick, my life stops, ugh
• i have a kid free weekend, but i have to work all day on saturday
• my house is a mess
• my laundry is all caught up, i only have sheets to do!  I love my new washer!!
• i am going out to dinner with a friend tonight and tomorrow night
• i get to hang out with teenagers this afternoon
• i am hungry

I dont know what to say

So work is a bit stressful….you know same old story…economy is bad, work is stressful…blah blah blah…

I am having health related issues, that are scary.  I feel kinda lonely. I know i have plenty of supportive friends but…

I never really thought i would be HERE in life, alone with no significant other, to hold on to for support.  Instead i stand strong, trying to show my boys that in times that are tough, you stand up and fight. Never take it laying down.  It just gets so tough, and the longer i keep others out the harder it is to let people in to help….ugh!

Sailing team has started and last year it was my “happy place” no matter how shitty work or life was that was a place for me to be “free”.  This year i just dont feel it. I am not sure if i just have not gotten into the groove but ugh, it is almost like work.

I want to throw glass.  If you have ever thrown glass or plates it just seems so good.  a stress reliever.  I remember as i kid i would walk on the beach, sit on the jetty and throw a glass bottle against the rocks.  I KNOW it was littering, but i cold rationalize it as, i was helping someone grow their sea glass collection…So what about creating a space where you could, bring your own plates or bottles and come throw them against the wall or rocks or something.  a controlled enviroment so we were not polluting the earth.  I just think that would be a great stress reliever.  Maybe tomorrow after practice i will go throw a bottle….

Please do not rain tomorrow!

Wow so it has been a whirlwind of a couple of days!  Skiing one day and then skiing the next!  Who does that? Oh right, ME!!

We went on a family trip to NH this weekend! Wow I skiied with the boys! They are great!  I went to an auction with my brother, we won the painting we were bidding on, but somehow my dad ended up with it!

Monday was the first day we got on the water with the high school kids!  It was nice to be out there even if it was raining/sleeting/snowing!  Not many people can say they do that!

Well I am beat!  Still fighting this cold here, or maybe it is just stress on my body?  who knows but tomorrow we have practice. It is a happy place for me, now if only i could bottle that feeling?! I would be rich!  Pray there will be no RAIN/SLEET during practice!

I will leave you will a few pictures:  ENJOY!!

Nathaniel on the lift!

Jordan on the lift! Rock star!

Raymond on the lift telling me how to ski!

Raymond sleeping with Simon!!  AWW LOVE!!

NOW SAILING!!! TWO DAYS LATER…..SNOW THEN OCEAN!!!! YIPPEEE sailing season has started!!

Sailing team getting ready!  Yes it was snow/sleeting/raining!  LOVE IT

I just love this picture!